My wandering - 23. Samarpan

A boy and a girl were working as soft ware engineers in an IT firm in Banglore. The girl was from Maharashtra, who was brought up by her widow mother with much difficulty and after undergoing many emotional  upheavals in her life but her husband  had left them with a good fortune which he had earned as a businessman. That helped her to pursue the careers of her two daughters.  The boy was a Kashmiri pandit and only son of his parents, who  migrated from kashmir to Jammu  after the turmoil. But his father who was a police officer had to join his duties back  at Srinagar till his retirement. In the meantime boy completed his engineering from some obscure college of Maharashtra and secured a job in Banglore, where he fell in love with his colleague , a Marathi girl. However, the marriage was performed after much hurdles created by both the parties. After marriage the couple started to live  at their place of work  near Banglore. They lived happily for a year or so after marriage and  were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.  But cracks began to develop in their relationship with passage of time on flimsy grounds. As they were a working couple, the husband hardly helped her wife in domestic chores or bringing up of baby and whenever he helped her it was with an air of obligation. Although a maid was employed by them but she was not available with them all the twenty four hours. Sometimes in the midnight baby would cry, the husband thought that his  wife will look after the child. He has an urgent meeting to attend tomarrow. How can he spoil his sleep.
The wife was also in habit of nagging her husband and usually mentioning  about the help she provided by earning for the family. As in early times man was responsible to earn for the family and woman had to look after the family. The jobs of man and a woman were specifically identified and well defined. But nowadays when both the spouses are earning they have not changed their mindset with the changing times. The husband still thinks that if he helps the wife in domestic chores, he is obliging her and same is case with the wife if she is earning.
While reverting to the story, such little incidents created wedge between the couple to the extent that they decided to live separately.
In the meantime Boys father, who was a very dominant and practical person visited his sons separate living place and began to council him so that his son reconciles with his wife. He confided with him some  diplomatic tips of keeping his wife happy. At  last he said, If you want to keep your male ego alive, you should dominate the psyche of your wife in such a way that she is not able to take her decisions with out your consultation. But consciously she must think that she is making all the decisions independently. It is the psychological dominance you will have to create over
your wife. This is the secret of my happy marriage but the same  is to be handled very carefully, otherwise it may have negative repercussions.
The boy somehow reconciled  with his wife and they began to live together again. But he proved to be a bad desiple and could not implement his fathers diplomatic formulas properly. The result was the old skirmishes
began to creep  in the relation again , untill the mother of wife visited their joint residence for the rescue of their marriage. She was very pragmatic and sophisticated lady with a fair blend  of traditional and modern outlook and values.
After few days stay she began to council both her daughter and son-in-law  jointly.
She told them that marriage is a sacred institution which binds the two souls together for a life time. While friendship is between two equals but relationship can not be necessarily  between equals. Relationship always flourishes with an attitude of dedication and love which we call in Hindi as ' Samarpan' I.e total surrender of body mind soul and all belongings. The surrender should be reciprocal and both sides should consider the other side superior than himself. Even if there is complete surrender from one side only, it should be to the extent that other side should not take it for granted. It is a contract of absolute truth, utmost  good faith and mutual trust. If once the provisions  of the contract are breached upon, it is very difficult to repair the  damages. She also told them how difficult it is  to live a lonely life with out a spouse, particularly  in old age. She gave them practical examples as she was living such type of  life herself. After hearing the advices of  their mother, the husband and wife looked at each other and vowed to live a life afresh which shall be full of trust and mutual understanding.
Ramesh Kaul
rkkaul.blogspot.com

My wanderings - 22. The old Man and a Girl

               An old man retired from public works,  a long ago  was living alone now, because his mother had died few years back. She was his only companion right from his birth as his father had died before his birth.  She  had brought up him as a child in much drudgery and poverty. She worked from Dawn to dusk tirelessly to provide all the facilities including a good education to his only son and never let him feel any sort of  deprivation   which could hamper his development. She did all the odd jobs including domestic help and baby sitter to make her both the ends meet. But the boy could not grew up as a smart and handsome youth to the much expectation of beautiful girls of his age. Perhaps much pampering of his mother or absence of his father had made his personality a bit oddly conspicuous. However he possessed a very good temperament and flawless character. With great difficulty he could arrange for his job but he was not able to find himself a match. Even her mother could not find a match for him through arranged marriages despite of her strenuous efforts. Most of the girls rejected him and left him dejected and finally he decided not to marry and spend his life in the service of his mother, who was growing old now.
              After the death of his mother he was feeling detached and forlorn. Now the meaninglessness of life was haunting him more  than the  fear of approaching death. He could not feel any significant difference between the two that is life and death.
In the meantime he grew up a friendship with a beautiful and young girl through social media. They started exchanging text messages and came to know about  each other through it. It was really a hilarious experience for the old man. He started to feel a thrill in his life. He would wait hours together to receive her messages or exchange Greetings with her. She was a young orphan girl living with her distant relative. She was a student and taking a few tuitions also. They came to know about the life of each other through exchange of messages or telephone calls, if necessary. The old man started giving her advices on all the matters of concern and helped her to seek even a job  by accompanying her on the day of interview in Public works, where  he could arrange for the recommendations. The old man found a purpose in life. He derived the joy  by helping this young girl . The girl also developed a faith on old man and began to share all the secrets with him. She also sought advices of old man where ever necessary. Old man also helped her sincerely, wherever his resources allowed him and sometimes even out of turn. The faculties of old man began to sharpen day by day and he  could give sagacious advices to girl, which were well appreciated by her. The drudgery of young girl also lessened with the passage of time.   The love and affection is a mutual understanding between two individuals with a bond of trust and good faith which can not be confined to a particular relation, age or caste.
In the meantime girl was in affair  with her colleague, who wanted to marry her. The girl gave her consent and disclosed all about her relationship with the old man to the boy. He appeared to be suspicious of this relationship and never allowed the girl to meet the old man again. When old man came to know about this he  felt very sad. But no sooner he recovered from this gloom than he nominated the girl as the heir of her all movable and immovable property.

My Wanderings - 20 Relationship. Husband and wife

The hero of my story is a common young man who falls in love with a beautiful woman of his age and marries her with the mutual consent of their parents with out any  hurdles. The mutual understanding and love lasted for fifteen years of  their marriage. In the meantime they gave birth to two children son and a daughter. After fifteen years they began to feel intolerant  about each other  and finding faults became their usual course of business. The husband  got highly  disgusted with the nagging behaviour of his wife. The wife  also could not tolerate the autocratic attitude of her husband any more.  Moreover, they got fed up with each others company and the glitter of marriage which remained for few years  began to fade away in the due course of time.
The husband preferred to stay more in office in the company of his lady  colleague who was very fashionable and having very good etiquettes. She had also a  fine  figure always draped in minimum clothing as per the demand of latest fashion and finery. Moreover lady was also married and  having  two children. She was not also satisfied with the marriage and very critical of her own vagabond spouce.  The company of lady gave much solace to the husband and he began to spent more time with her.  The lady appeared to him more accommodative and intelligent.  Both developed a relationship and husband could not resist the temptation of her  looks any more, which she enhanced with beauty aids. He announced his decision  of divorcing his wife and marrying the lady after reaching home. 
Leo Tolostoy once said, " why gambling is forbidden and not the dressing up of women in  the prostitutecal finery, particularly meant to excite men, is not  forbidden. That is thousand times dangerous than gambling. But the idea of tolostoy is very old and not applicable to present times. He would  not have been tolerated by women rights activists, had he been living presently and  had expressed such a point of view  on women. Now we believe that  it is the male  mindset which  is responsible for rapes and broken marriages and not the dressing up of women. Convictions and values change  and society becomes more permissive with the passage of time which leaves no scope for judging the ethics of both the statements.
While resuming the story, the wife is taken aback on hearing the immediate decision of her husband to leave her for another women. But good sense prevails upon  her  and she reconciles with the reality and agrees to leave  her immoral husband and live an independent life.
But the lady in question was neither in mood to leave her  children nor her  vagabond spouce. The relationship which she had developed with the man was sort of escapism sought by her from the drudgery of her routine life, with out considering the implications of it.
Now the man had no other alternative but to remain contended with his wife. The wife stoically continued the relation with no emotional scope for love or hate in it. Now she never nagged or loved her husband  and the man who was under emotional breakdown never interfered in the matters of his wife. His possessive nature ,which he changed now, had made him autocratic.
                  Marriages are arranged in heaven and celebrated on earth, made for each other couples, Soul mates. These quotes sound very pleasant and lovely but this may not be true in reality. Human nature is subject to change and no man or even for that matter of fact woman can claim to remain loyal to their spouses through out their lives. Every person gets bored after living with the same individual for years together and it is not surprising if he or she looks for an  alternate relationships. But how most of the couples remain together in spite of this trait of human behaviour  present in all and only few persons prove  themselves rebellions by separating with each other.  It is not  only the love that  binds the couple to remain  together  but habit of living together and mutual interest  in their children which persuades them to live together throughout their lives

My Wanderings - 19. Fathers and Sons

In the sullen atmosphere of an old age home at Delhi an old inmate was lying on bed, feeling desperate and the whole environment there presented a gloomy look. His dishevelled hair ,sunken eyes and frail body were betraying the alertness of his mind which was reminiscing  the memories of bygone days particularly the turbulent period of his life. Perhaps he was at the last stage of his life as memory was not failing him like his health. He could see vividly the scenes of his life moving on the celluloid screen of his vigilant mind.
  After migration from Kashmir,  a Pandit couple along with their only son managed to get a two room hutment at Jammu on exorbitant monthly rent. But still they considered themselves lucky after living a desperate life  in tents for months together with out any civic facilities. The man was at the verge of retirement and  his  son was doing  engineering final year. Son got the chance to continue his studies at make shift camp college at Jammu.
As the son was born to the couple after undergoing many emotional upheavals in  life  and leaving no stone unturned,  they pampered the child to the extent that he had become a bit self centered, but he was very good in studies. After completing the engineering son got a very good job  at Delhi. When  Father   retired from service  he purchased a flat at  Delhi with the money received as superannuation benefits. Then couple shifted to Delhi to live with their son. After few years they married their son with a girl from very affluent family. In the meantime son got a very good job opportunity abroad and shifted there along with his wife. The parents had no other alternative but to remain contented at Delhi.  For many years son used to send money and gifts to them and asked them to visit his place abroad. The  parents were not interested in going abroad and son used to visit them once in two three years of his own. After some time mother died of heart attack at Delhi. Son along with his wife reached from abroad within a reasonable time of his mother's cremation. After completing all the rituals on the death of his mother he along with his wife retuned back to his place. Father was now living alone in the flat  along  with the memories of his wife.  Time passed and his  health started to fail him due to old age. There was nobody to look after him except a part-time  maid who helped him in domestic chores.
The son also could not visit him now often because of one pretext or the  other. Finally old man decided to give his flat on rent and shift to some near by old age home, where some one can take care of him. Now son had completely forgotten him. He never visited him for the last eight years  since he shifted to old age home. While reminiscing the incidents of life and  controlling his emotions he  could not stop few drops of tears to roll over his shrunken face and subsequently closed his eyelids which never opened again. He was relieved from all mental agony and body pain which the last stage of  life  provided  to him.
The last rites of old man were arranged by the management of old age home ,for which provision had already been made by him, after informing his son, who could not make it convenient to reach on time.
When son received the message of his father's death  he took the message most stoically and reached Delhi at his convenience. Then old age people handed over him the last remains and few belongings of his father which he disposed off most reverently along with  his fathers flat and left for his place with satisfaction.
When he reached his home he found his neighbours wife  very much upset due to the sudden death of her pet dog. She wept  bitterly for the whole night and it took him months together to come out of grief.
The grief of lady was perhaps due to the attachment with her dog. The dog lived so close with her and she could feel his absence. While the son had not visited his father for the last eight or ten years. He had snapped all the links with him. He was neither used nor attached to him now. This may be the reason that he could neither  feel the absence of his father in his life nor was emotional about his death.

My Wanderings - 18. The Man and a Woman

                He  retired recently from a public office. He  began to spend half of his pension of Rupees forty thousand on  himself and his wife's monthly expenditures and rest he gave in  charity to an old age home. His wife a staunch  religious women in her mid fifties was very resourceful and a good housekeeper. She used to pray daily in mornings and evenings for hours together and observed all the rituals as per her religion. But she was also interested in good things in life  including a nice wardrobe for herself. He was very  silent person but his sunken eyes and haggard look spoke volumes of  his experience of life and public office. He had no children of his own but he loved and cared for all the children in his neighbourhood. He had inherited a large house constructed on a big piece of land from his family. There were only two inmates living  in the big house with the occasional visit of their maid who used to help them in household chores on monthly charges. Their life was going on peacefully until,  once he confided to  his wife about his idea of exchanging his big house with an old age home located in their vicinity,  which  had only three rooms to accommodate large number of inmates.  He tried hard to explain to  his wife about the futility of their occupying a big house,  which could be  otherwise of immense use  to the old age people. But his wife did not agree to his  proposal, although she understood the rationale behind the proposal, that they could live most comfortably in three rooms. He tried to convince her with the logic that they may not be able to maintain the big house in future due to advance age. But his wife was so possessive  and emotionally involved with the house that no logic on the earth could convince her. She could remember the good old days when she entered the house as bride. The house was blooming with all the decorations and lights with loud sound of music vibrating the atmosphere. The persons living in the house at that time were  her father in-law, mother in-law and two young brother in-laws who were serving in the army as officers. She had seen all the ups and downs of life in that house. Life was a learning experience for her with which she was  rather grown up in that house.  She remembered vividly how the gloom befell on the house when they received the news of her two brother in -laws killed in  a single war. She also remembered that when she could not conceive after two three years of  her marriage, how the Doctor declared her inability to  give a child to family. Her husband was advised by so many well wishers to go for another marriage. But he never agreed to it. He did not want to desert her loving wife for the sake of children. Moreover, he consoled his wife and taught her how to live with out children. Time moved on but she never let  even the thought of exchanging her house occur in the mind of her husband. The husband who had never hurt the feelings of  his wife through out  the life had finally to give in.
She used to tease her husband and call him atheist as she never saw him praying to God. Perhaps she was not acquainted with the sensitivities and joy of renunciation with which her husband was blessed. This sense is usually ordained by nature.
Finally after some years her husband died a natural death. It was  really a peaceful death. He slept Hale and hearty in the evening but could not rise from his bed in the morning. It was perhaps a heart attack. The wife remained shocked for several days as she could not reconcile to his death. He was her most intimate life companion who always helped her and never let her feel the absence of children in her life.
Now she was lonely and due to the  old age she was not even able to help herself. She used to remain confined to single room in her large house. She began to feel the absence of her husband very much. She would aways be gloomy and melancholic. One day while she was thinking about her husband, a thought struck her mind which gave her immense pleasure. Next day she called the Manager of old Age home and told him that she wanted to share  the vacant rooms of her large house with the inmates of already burdened old age home.  Many old persons from old age home were shifted to the house and She lived happily until her peaceful departure from this mortal world.

My wanderings - 17. She

She personified divinity with a glow  on her radiant face  expressing grace and glory of feminity. Her dark black and long hair  over flanking  her white shoulders created a spectacle of contrast. Her dowry consisted of pearls and gold. Pearls in her mouth and gold in her heart. Not only her heart but she was worth her weight equal to gold because  of  her generosity and high character.  No body could dare to speak of her virginity  as she was epitome of innocence and sincerity from head to heels. As all were jubilant to welcome the newly wed  bride, destiny was playing its own part to lessen the joy of newly created union.
The new bride being very honest and sincere confided to her groom on the very first night  about the assault on her modesty  in her childhood by some unscrupulous relative.
All the joy and enthusiasm of groom connected  with marriage evaporated into thin air despite his rationale outlook. He could not reconcile to the reality,  which he desperately wanted to be a prank played by his wife  and persuaded her to confirm it as a lie. But the wife being honest to the core of heart  could not change her statement. The bride on visualising the frustration of her groom wept bitterly throughout the night. All the good qualities of bride appeared to under weigh her only one disqualification to which she was neither a party nor had given her consent.
The mind of groom got influenced with the bias against his bride to the extent that he began to think it  as a  crime of honour committed by the latter  against him. His mind was full of revenge and lost all love and sympathy for his bride. A visible crack began to appear in their newly developed relationship.  Not a single idea of reconciliation occurred  in the mind of Groom.
But time is a great healer. After few days a good sense prevailed  upon the  Groom. His thinking began to show signs of change. He realised that fighting  duals and crime of honour are talk of bygone days and only reflect the memories of barbarian era. If we can not protect the   dignity of women, we have no right to decline the marriage on  such flimsy issues. These days scores of  incidents appear on Newspapers, where modesty of women is said to have  been outraged or assaulted. Even small girls are not being spared. Who is responsible for it. Unless the male mindset is changed, no body can point a finger towards the modesty of woman. If the man is responsible for all these rapes and exploitation of woman, he can not escape the responsibility of providing safe and dignified future for such exploited women. Chastity of mind and soul is more important than the chastity of body. Body is mortal and soul is immortal.  With these thoughts in mind Groom deeply regretted for his rude  behavior with his newly wed wife and went to ask for her apologies. Then they lived happily ever after.

My wanderings - 16

Sometimes unusual experiences overshadow the conviction of an individual  and shatter his faith on established institutions and noble professions. It was month of June in early eightees when my mother fell seriously ill with high fever and my father, who was himself a Medical practitioner, after trying very hard to recover her, advised me take an opinion of some specialist.
I fixed an appointment with a renowned medical specialist of city. After waiting in long quees I was able to get a meeting with  him. He properly checked the pulse of my ailing  mother and I advised him that she was suffering from high fever from few days and apprised him with all the symptoms she was facing, which I will not disclose this time to reader, as the purpose which prompted me to write these lines will be defeated.
Doctor after making more investigations wrote in bold letters on prescription slip ...Pyroxia, which my father told me later  means unknown fever in medical terminology. He also advised for some pathological tests and prescribed Paracetemol for the time being. After few days he advised me for chest X Ray ,some more tests and prescribed some new medicine. This practice continued for days together. There were no signs of recovery and condition of mother got deteriated   day by day.  When ever I visited Doctor he would advise me for more tests or change  of medicine. As a layman I could guess that Doctor was either narrowing his field of investigation by advising for different tests or practising hit and trial method. I got very much desperate and once in a whim of desperation I laid my hand on some books lying on shelf. There was some very old book of father entitled  Medicine. While turning the pages of book haphazardly I found details of some common diseases and I got stuck up on the page entitled Typhoid  ,when I found  striking resemblance of the symptoms of the disease with that of my mother.
There was full detail of symptoms of the disease Typhoid , some of which I still remember. There will be high fever and constipation in one week and diarrhea in another. The disease relapses in weekly periods, either it will be for one week or for many more weeks. The colour of tongue will be white in the middle and sharp red on the edges and much more.The medicine prescribed for it was Chlorophenicol.
I immediately rushed to my father and apprised him with the details in the book. After reading the details my father got convinced and visited his friend who was also a doctor and after some deliberations they formed the opinion and prescribed the medicine named Chlorostrip, which was combination of two salts Chlorophenicol and Straptomycin.
After taking the medicine mother began to show the signs of recovery and after few days she was all right.
After that I never visited that Specialist and he is still a renowned  practising Doctor.

My wanderings _ 15

Some where I have read the definition of cigarette as it being  small bits of straw rolled  together  in a piece of paper with fire on one end and  a fool on another.
            'Cigarette smoking is injurious to Health' and  now 'Smoking kills' are the statutory warnings written on a cigarette pack alongwith photographs of various human organs affected by killer diseases because of  smoking are exhibited thereon.  Moreover, smoking is banned at various public places in India and separate smoking zones have been created in Airports and offices so that people do not get affected by passive smoking, which is considered more dangerous than active smoking now. But manufacture and selling of cigarettes has not been totally banned by Government due to obvious reasons of huge loss to the public exchequer and tobacco  tycoons of India.
In earlier days smoking was not considered as  a vice because  most of the people were smokers. People used to smoke in all public places like offices, cinema Halls and bus stands with out any objection from any quarter.  Moreover, smoking was considered as fashion those days. One of my friends who was a chain smoker told me  once that he was advised by Dr Ali Jan  to take  one or two cigarettes daily as a treatment for his indigestion and gastric ailments and which became his habit latter on. Most of the people were in habit of taking a  Cigarette or two before attending natural calls,  because they believed,  that it helped them in controlling  constipation and to keep their bowels clean.  But the times have changed now. Due to  public awareness of bad consequences of smoking and frequency of air-conditioning in most of the public places, smokers have taken a humble posture now. They try to smoke in secret places discovered by them which are far away from public gaze . Most of the people have left smoking due to awareness of the health  hazards of  smoking made public frequently by Government and media.
Usually the habit of smoking starts in very  young age and then it becomes a habit and a person gets addicted to it  by and by.  Despite of knowing the bad effects  of smoking a person is not able to leave it so easily. People try very hard to leave smoking and sometimes they are able to leave it for months and years together. But then they start it again on one pretext or  the other. Some body has said that it is very easy to leave smoking, I have left it so many times.
But whosoever makes a firm will can leave smoking with out any hazel  and majority of people have left it for good.
Once I came across a short story  in a magazine  written by some imminent writer the title of which was ' Cigarette' . The unusual title of the short story  created curiosity in my mind and   prompted  me read this short story.
The two characters of the short story were Father and Son and both were smokers. Once Father could not find a Cigarette for himself  in late night  and he  looked for a cigarette in the room of his son, where he could find a single cigrette on the side table of the bed. He took the cigrette and smoked it as he needed it badly. After some time when son entered his room, he could not find the cigrette there. He got annoyed and understood that it can be the handiwork of his father because he was the only smoker in addition to himself in the family. In a fit of rage he rebuked his father for this. The Father took this rebuke of his son, and that too for a meagre thing like a cigarette,  very seriously and this Incident changed his entire outlook towards life. He recollected how he has made sacrifices in his entire life for the sake of his son and the same son rebukes him for a single cigrette today.  The next day early in the morning, he called his lawyer and prepared a will  with the provision that all his property should go to some old age home after his death and did not leave a straw for his son to inherit.
The Son  with out knowing his father's decision,  came with all the high brands of cigarettes to please his father, but nothing could change the decision of his father latter on.

My Wanderings - 14

                       Voltaire, a seventeenth century french Philosopher  once said, " God has been invented by man."
  It was necessary to create one when there was no God.  While the evolution of Man was going on, man felt insecure and  he wanted someone to shoulder his responsibility and someone to take blame upon himself. Whatever happened to man, he blamed  it to God and reconciled with the theory that it was God's wish. But soon he learned the art to blame God for his misfortunes only and started giving credit to himself for his accomplishments. Whenever man felt dejected or depressed , he implored God for his well being. Therefore, creation of God was necessity  for man. It was up to nineteenth century mostly people discussed about the existence of God. But people don't discuss it  any more now. Either they have become believers or atheists.
But we can not so easily  ignore the fact  that  there is  definitely some eternal power  that  controls this whole universe,  which may be with or without form. It is also believed  by almost all the  religions.  But it is  ridiculous to beleive that different religions will have different  Gods. God is one and omnipresent ,  religions may be of any number. Shri Ramakrishna while in his quest for God tried to convert himself to Christianity and even to Islam. But he latter on understood  that  no religion is  barrier to realise God. God can be realised by a devout person believing in  any faith. Moreover, a Hindu will realise God in the form of Mata, Shiva or any other deity to whom he is paying  his obeisance. Similarly a Christian and Muslim can  realise God in the form of Christ  and  Mohamad respectively. Actually God does not require our obeisances or oblations. He is beyond these things. We prey to God only  for our own satisfaction and self realisation.
        Religions have been created  to inculcate morals and values in a man, so that he can live under some ethical codes and recognised institutions like marriage and family etc. Different religions may have different rituals but ultimate aim is  the same. If a person can realise these facts there will not be any religious intolerance between the two religions.  Religious intolerance in this world is due narrow minded ness of the persons believing in different religions. There is no fault in religions but fault lies in the biased and narrow interpretations derived by the people from them.
              Science  and technology has made tremendous progress these days.  But  it is only discovering the basic elements of nature which is only a tip of iceberg of the huge treasure already existing in nature.
Newton after contributing much to science became very religious in the later part of his life. He lastly  said, "I was but a small child playing on a sea shore finding prettier  sea shells or pebbles than my  other companions  but vast sea of knowledge remained undiscovered before me."
Voltaire wrote a book on Newtons principles, which made Newton more famous. He also in latter part of his life  admitted that there is some force controlling the whole universe.  Throughout his life he denounced catholic church for which he suffered very much. He was even exiled from France. His views  were not  also favourable on Islam.  But he adored Hinduism very much, particularly its Vedas. He forecasted  that West will always remain grateful to East for Vedas. In the last days of his life Voltaire also became very religious and said, "I am leaving this world adoring God, loving friends, not hating enemies but  detesting all superstitions"
Age   is also one of vital factors in making a person a believer or an atheist. In youth most of the persons are rebellious in nature and question the existence of God. But with the passage of time most of them become believers.
Ramesh Kaul
rkkaul.blogspot.com

My Wanderings - 13

Nowadays four C's are considered very essential for a person to live in this world comfortably. They are Computer, Credit card, Cellphone and Car. It is very difficult for any body to pull on with out these appliances. But priorities change with the passage of time.
This reminds me of  our priorities  in early nineties ,when we were just overcoming the woes of migration from our native land, leaving  behind all our home and hearth and I was adjusted in a rural branch of my bank in Punjab, somewhere near Pathankot. It was very difficult for me to adjust in the alien environs  and local  language was my main problem. They were speaking theth Punjabi which was beyond my comprehension. Therefore, I used to speak very less and listen  to their language attentively so as to understand my colleagues and customers in a better way.  One of  my colleagues in cash Department, while on work , would often murmur in ghostly tones 'Hun hor nahi' " Hun Hor Nahi.". One day I asked my another colleague to tell me the meaning of his  murmurs. He advised me that he is saying, "  Now he will not count any  more cash". Really counting of cash  was cumbersome process  during those days  because no cash counting machines  were available.  Later on this gentleman Mr Chambiyal, who was in habit of saying 'Hun Hor Nahi' became my fast friend and helped me in every possible way. Once he invited me to his village which was also very near to Pathankot. He had recently constructed a nice Bunglow on a large piece of land in his village, which was very conspicuous  in the whole village  because of its nice  architecture   and fine grandeur.
Soon he purchased a second hand car for the first time as otherwise, he was in habit of purchasing  second hand Scooters every year and also selling them consequently.
In the meantime, I read an article in the magazine about three K's I.e. Kudi, Kar te Kothi which means Wife, Motor Car and House. The author in the article had written that these three things are the signs of affluence in Punjab. The person who possesses these three things is considered as an  affluent  person. Therefore, we used to take dig at Mr Chambiyal that he is the most affluent man amongst all of us.
Then once he confided  to me  that he is going to purchase a high breed dog. I advised him to take one of the puppy's of my Landlord free of cost. Then he visited my house along with his wife in his newly purchased Car to escort one of the puppy's of my land lord. When we broke the news of new entrant in Mr Chambyal's family at office, every body was delighted to know that Mr Chambiyal has now  become the  member of most elite group by possessing four K's I.e. Kudi, Car, Kothi te Kuta, entailing more digs at him.
While I had begun to enjoy the life in new environs,  which had become quite familiar to me now,  destiny had stored something bitter for me, which I had to swallow.  My wife fell seriously ill and I lost all hopes of her recovery. But I immediately  moved her to AIIMS, New Delhi for treatment. I got very dejected with life. Sometimes I used to think that I lost my house at Srinagar, I am not in a position to purchase a car now and I am loosing my wife also. Perhaps, I was not aware of the graciousness of God at that time  or I had lost the sense of expressing Gratitude to him.  I had also  forgotten the  idea of "what men live by" expressed by Great Tolstoy in his short story with the same title.
But time is a great healer. With the passage of time my wife was cured of her ailment.  I got promotion and was transferred to some other place.
I again developed interest in life and I constructed a new House at Jammu and purchased a Car also. Then in routine I could possess all the C's also. But as a matter of fact all the K's and C's are not considered as the possessions of elite group now but the basic necessities of life like Roti, Kapda aur Makan.
Then I lost touch with Mr.Chambiyal and other colleagues , who helped me a lot at the time of distress and remained besides me always.

Kashmiri Pandits. 11

             I must congratulate my community brothers and sisters  and express my gratitude to God that we have come a long way since leaving our ancestral place twenty six years ago in much agony and achieving our settlement in a dignified manner.  As there is always scope for improvement and learning , we have every right to protect our community and guard it against any misadventure.  Moreover, we have obligation towards our ancestors as well as our progeny.  We have to learn from our past  history by introspecting our shortcomings and failures and we have to shun the myopic outlook which our ancestors have adopted from time to time. We  have also to learn from other communities who have established themselves sagaciously.
Aharya Kriplani a seasoned leader of India was told once , by his community members I.e. sindhis, after independence of India, that they should fight for their independent homeland. But Acharya replied to them that whole of  India belongs to them. They should spread in whole of India and enjoy the benefits of free economy and democratic set up of India. Sindhis agreed with the advise of their  Leader.  Rest is history. Sindhis are most well off and patriot community of India nowadays. These are the results of strong leadership and faith on leaders. We have created a leadership crisis in our community. We don't believe in  our leaders. May be we have genuine reasons for that.  But we have to come out of it and change our outlook towards our leaders now. If we learn from our history we have been always marginalised by every one  due to the lack of unity in us. Unity is basis of good leadership also. Leaders  are also ordinary human beings like all of us. They are only a medium to bind the whole community together and act like a single mouth piece of whole community. Our leaders should also learn that they are the creation of time who survive under the aura of public image wielded around them. No sooner the public image is tarnished than they loose the magic of influence they may have created on the general masses.
On the idea of social Reforms in our community, some  of my friends confront me with the plea that most of our community members are well off now and therefore, giving dowry or spending extravagantly on marriage functions is not a problem these days for an average Kashmiri pandit.  But I personally feel  that spending money on marriage functions is simple waste of it, which could have been  utilized otherwise,  for  some productive purposes. We should learn from other communities of India, who are far richer than us , but they go ahead with only one function to celebrate marriage ceremonies  and even  the  expenses of function is contributed by both the parties jointly.
Our community has many obligations. They can employ excess funds with them for construction of old age homes, free or subsidised hospitals which has now become a necessity in our community as our children are living very far away from us. We can not stop them from going ahead in life  but at least we can assure  to meet  our old age problems with much dignified manner. We  may even  create a fund, contributed by every community member, under the proper management of our leaders,  to help our not so privileged community brothers  or those patients suffering from killer deceases.
After migration from Kashmir, it was a need of time to send our wards to engineering colleges on reserved seats,  to ensure their future in private or Multinational companies. But now we can send them for competing in other professions also.
We are presently the. custodians of our mother tongue I.e. Kashmiri language  and therefore, we have the responsibility of passing  it on to our next generations. We should also try to discourage inter caste marriages the rate of  which is increasing sharply in our society.
Our community has large number of professionals and intellectuals who are living a retired life now with out adding anything useful  to the society or community. They should be requested to come forward and form committees to make decisions suitable for our community. They will definitely come forward and can be the torch bearers of our community.
I personally feel it may not be feasible for us to resettle again  in Kashmir. Moreover our children may not like to return Kashmir because of meagre opportunities of jobs there. It would have been better to resettle Kashmiri pandits in any other part of India, where they can live in congregation  and preserve their heritage and culture with out any problem.
But if our leadership has decided that they will carve their homeland in the heart of  Kashmir itself with union territory status, my view does not hold ground.  I will have to respect the decision of my Leadership which is obviously representing majority point of view. I should wholeheartedly support the decision of my Leaders even if I have to swallow a bitter pill. That is how the leadership works. It is important to be rationale but excess of rationality does not work in  leadership. Sometimes in order to boost our leadership we should also have blind faith on it.
"There is not to reason why. There is but to do or die."
The great wars have not been won by arguing of  soldiers with their generals. They have been won by will, perseverance and discipline of solidiers. Same is the case with big revolutions.
It is now evident  that neither politicians nor separatists  in Kashmir are interested in our  return to Kashmir. They make lame excuses that Kashmiri Pandits can not live in separate homeland in Kashmir, but they are not able to answer how they can live in old houses which are either in dilapidated condition or sold by kashmiri pandits at throw away prices. Moreover, if shia' s can live separately in Srinagar or Sikhs can live separately in both Jammu and Srinagar. Muslims can live in separate colonies at Jammu. Why Kashmiri Pandits can not live separately in Kashmir. This is the  hypocracy on the part of Politicians and Terrorists of Kashmir who don't want. us back.

My Wanderings - 12

Humour and Satire are usually considered  interrelated terms. But there is a vivid difference between the two. Humour is generalised term while Satire is directed towards a particular event , person or a subject. Mark Twain, an English writer and humorist has contributed much to classical Humour and Satire by writing his books like" Adventures of Tom Sawyer "and "Adventures of Huckleberry fin".   Healthy dose of humour is now considered very good for health which can also  give a  new lease of life to the patients of depression and other psychological diseases. Laughing has been recognised as a  therapy and lot of laughing sessions can be witnessed these days in various public places and parks. Quick wit  and humour is also  considered  as a  good quality of a person. Some of the eminent personalities like George Bernard shah, Winston Churchill and Chesterton were known for their quick wit and humour.

Once a person who had recently learned voilon compelled George Bernard Shah to witness his performance. After completing his performance the violinist asked for the opinion of George Bernard Shah.
" This reminds me of Leo Tolstoy" , opined   Bernard Shah.
" But. he was not a Violinist", retorted violinist.
" Neither are you" ,replied Bernard Shah.

Bernard Shah was a thin man. Once his friend Chesterton, who was a little bulky told him that if a foreigner visits London and encounters you, he will form the opinion that London is recovering from recent famine. 'But after meeting  you he will learn the cause of famine in London," replied the Bernard Shah.

Once a beautiful actress of London proposed to Bernard Shah for marriage giving reasons that children they may have after marriage will have  his  wisdom   and  her  looks.
But reverse is also possible if they had your wisdom and my looks, commented the Bernard Shah.

Once Winston Churchill  as Prime Minister of Britain  was walking on a small passage when he encountered leader of opposition of British parliament. Only one person could walk on the passage. Leader of opposition did not relent and said, " I don't give way to fools".
Winston Churchill immediately moved back and replied, " But I give way to fools"

Once British parliment was in full swing. There was hue and cry as usual in parliaments. No body was listening to anyone. A member was trying to put forth his point of view. He began several times by saying I conceive , I conceive, I conceive. But no body was paying heed to him. When Winston Churchill noticed this, He said in a loud voice, silence, Gentleman," Mr So and So conceived three times but delivered nothing."

Khushwant Singh, an imminent Indian English writer of " Train to Pakistan" fame has also contributed a lot to humour by compiling thousand of jokes. It will be worthwhile here to mention one of his jokes in order to conclude my write up.
Once Morarji Desai as Prime Minister of India was invited to London to attend Commonwealth meet along with other heads of states. One head of the state early in the morning  accidentally entered Morar ji's room in a hotel , where the later was staying. He saw Morarji with a glass of whisky. He said to Morar ji, " sir you start it early in the morning". No Morarji replied, " it is not what you are thinking about". It is a natural product and very good for health. Morarji confided with the other head of state the secret of the exhilarating drink, he was having.
One day the Head of the state in question hosted a dinner in the honour of heads of the states of other Commonwealth countries. When Morarji arrived at the dinner, he found a big glass of whisky in front of his table. Morarji was upset and told to his host that I had already confided to you that I don't drink." No Sir", the host replied, " It is not Whisky, it is "Queens Special " brought fresh for  you direct from Buckingham palace.

My wanderings - 11

Flirting with Urdu poetry is very sensational and thrilling. Some familiar words related with urdu poetry are Irshaad, Mukarar, Kalam,  takhalus and many more.  Urdu poetry is very pleasant with a streak of rebellion in it. Urdu poets usually speak against Naseh, wayez and sheikh. These are the different interpretations of common adversary of Urdu poets and  that is Advisor. Advisors are considered as the  epitome of ethics, who usually advise on each and every subject on this earth biased with their myopic outlook. But poets are usually made of different metal who do not want to discipline their life according to their dictates. They  prefer to live in  free atmosphere in order to  give vent to their feelings and passions and which is also the necessity of good art and literature.  Here I give examples of few famous Urdu couplets which speak against the so called Advisors.

Aey Sheikh peene de muje masjid me baithkar
Ya woh jagah bate de jahan pe khuda nahin.
Oh Sheikh let me drink in a mosque
Or show me that place where God is not present.

Sidharenge sheikh kaba to hum inglistan jayenge
Woh dekhe ghar  khuda ka ham khuda ki shaan dekhenge.
When sheikh will go to kaba we shall visit  england
He will see the home of God and we shall see his glory

Yeh kahan ki dosti hai ki bane hai dost Naseh
Koi charasaaz hota koi gamgusar hota
What type of friend ship is this that friends have become advisors
Friend should be like a solution to all the problems.

Zara suno aay sheikhji ajib Shay hai aap bi
Bala shabab o ashki alag hue hai kaheen.
O sheikh strange type of subject are you
Has ever  beauty  and love remained aloof.

Kya fitnabari wayaz ki yeh baten hai
Kya usne kabi is rang ko dekha hai is rang ko Jana hai
How disputed  are the advises of Advisor
Has he himself  ever experienced it or not

There is a vast treasure of Urdu poetry worth preserving and quoting,  which is not possible here. But I will prefer to quote few selected  Urdu couplets which have influenced me in my life to a great extent.

Fikre maash asheqe buta yade raftgaan
Is zindagee me aur  kya kya kare koi.
A person does only three things in life
I.e . economic worries, idol worshipping and nostalgia.
In order to live a person has to take care of his economy. Idol worshipping is symbolic of faith in God or loving his beloved, family, friends and relations. And last of all old memories I.e. nostalgia.
Old memories are always sweet when revived  and a person forgets all the pain which he has undergone in the past . He usually cherishes the reminiscences of bygone days.

Gardishe Ayam Tera shukriya
Mai ne har pahloo se zindagi dekh Lee
Thanks to the vageries of fate
That I have seen life from all aspects.

Now last of all I will quote my favourite  kashmiri pandit Urdu poet
Brij Naryan Chakbast who gives his interpretation on Life and Death.

Zindagi kya hai anasir me zahoore tarteeb
Maut kya hai inhi ajza ka pareshaan hona

Ramesh Kaul

My wanderings 10

We  may consider ourselves very extravagant in expressing our views on  all the  affairs of life, but only one thing, which most of us  express very miserly is Gratitude. We never thank for what we already possess and we constantly complain about what we don't  possess. Actually human nature has been framed in such a manner  that we value the things which we don't possess and after possessing the same  we loose interest in them. This rat race of possessing things lands us in the deep mire of ingratitude  and vicious circle of desperation. By doing that we loose the precious moments of joy which the nature could provide us otherwise.
Nature has provided us with bounty of resources in the form of climate, sceneries and produce and same nature has provided us the faculties to enjoy them as well. But we are always ungrateful to his blessings and take them for granted. Moreover, we are in habit of complaining about what we don't possess. By doing this we loose even those things which we possess and are not in a position to gain more. By expressing Gratitude we can at least retain the things we possess and expect much more beyond that.
Let us first take example of our health. As far as we are having a good health we never express gratitude for it. We take it as a birth right and always far granted. But we start to value it  only as our health fails us due to ageing process or due to some disease or accident. Our senses like our vision,  hearing, taste smell or touch are very invaluable assets which we possess. Our  internal organs like our heart, brain,  lungs,  kidneys or liver are constantly working for us all the twenty four hours.  They are working for us even when we are sleeping and unaware of everything. Let us don't take every thing far granted and we should often express our gratitude to them. We should not complain for small material objects which we may not possess. A man was always disgusted with God as he could not purchase a shoe for himself until he saw a man without feet. We can even express gratitude to our internal organs by not overburdening them with  intoxicating drinks and smoking. We can give them relief by daily exercise so that they remain fit and fine to serve us better.
Our relationships and friendships are also important to us  as we are living in a society. We should highly value our relationships and friendships and often express our gratitude for that. These should not be taken  as burden but treated as an opportunity to develop our personality and the personality of others living with us. We should never adopt a selfish approach  while dealing with anyone, whosoever, by chance, comes across our way in usual course of business or otherwise.  Some people are in habit of occupying  seats in a bus by expanding their disposition and resting their enclosures to two seats even and look at another passenger with  an unwelcome gesture of intrusion. That should not be the attitude. Always make a space for another passenger and welcome his approach  as that will be your expression of  gratitude for relations.
Mostly people overburden themselves, sometimes even at the cost of their health,  to earn an extra buck. They are never satisfied. Greed and ingratitude overtakes their senses. They want to invest in properties, shares and Bank deposits. This is a never ending game and they don't really enjoy the life in true sense. These properties or deposits are hardly utilized by them latter on. The properties and shares remain at status quo and one fine morning he   bids  adieu to this mortal world. 
Therefore, a person should be thankful for whatever little he possesses and enjoy his  life nicely. A little food on ones  table a roof on  his head  with good health and loving companion is enough  for ones rejoicement and expressing gratitude to the Nature.

My wanderings - 9

'Penny wise pound foolish'.  It is an old saying which was haunting my mind from early childhood,  but I could never under stand its  significance  until I visualized   the importance of thrift and curse of extravagance. However, occasional extravagance to bring some joy in life can not be ruled out. But small savings in steady manner sometimes amass big fortunes. I am not trying to inculcate habit of thrift in the minds of readers here,  but to plead the importance of small things  in life,  which are usually neglected or given last priority. Small things are very important in life which can be completed with little effort,  but they can pave the way for bigger accomplishments.  Small leaps with steady impetus always help in attainment of greater heights and big leaps are sometimes fraught with the risk of tumbling down from there.
Mahatma Gandhi could realize the value of small things in life at the early stage of his career as a leader. He always volunteered for keeping the sanitary system neat and clean around him and also taught his followers accordingly.  While discussing the crucial matters of Nation  with other leaders he would not miss the small chores he was in habit of doing. While discussing the important issues, he would stand up suddenly and give feed to animals or attend to some other small chores  to the amazement of his guests.
We make bigger resolutions on the eve of every New year, but if we honestly admit, we are  hardly able to accomplish them. Why not to start with smaller resolutions which can be realized with little effort. If we make a resolution to brush our teeth daily before going to bed or exercise daily in the morning, we may be able to  to perform them with ease. These small actions of ours can  give us better results in respect of our health  in the long run  and save us from visiting Dentists and Doctors often. There can be a large list of small things which can be completed  side by side with the important and bigger ones  with out disturbing the latter and not at the cost of waisting ones  time. Time management is very important in life and those persons who know how to manage their time sagaciously never complain about the shortage of time. Neglecting small things at the time when they need our attention cost us dearly later in  life. It is well said  that ' Stitch in time saves  nine'.  Small nose or small hands and feet are considered as the signs of beauty in women.
Excess of everything is bad. Even excess of good qualities in a person are not sometimes much appreciated and even few bad qualities in a person are sometimes ignored.
In case of managing stress small or big stress does not count much but it is the time period  i.e. how long one carries stress with himself  matters. If  one carries stress with himself for short period it does not matter  much. But if one carries stress with himself for all the twenty four hours, it will really ache and finally help in landing the person in trouble.

My Wanderings - 8

Politics as the word implies in dictionary is the business or science  of wrangling etc. and pleads  moves and maneuvers  concerned with the acquisition of power or getting ones way e.g. in business. It is actually a game of winning sympathies by brainwashing people and sacrificing  principles in the name of  compromise at the alter of democracy, which signifies Govt. of  the people, by the people and for the people. It is well said that politics is the last refuge for scoundrels. Therefore, no man with conscience can survive in it. Politicians or leaders are the creation of time which survive under the  aura of public image wielded around them. No sooner their public image is tarnished  than they loose the magic of influence they may have created on  the general masses. As no person is hero to his wife or valet, because being in close proximity with them they are fully aware of their weaknesses. It is only their public image that makes them hero's in the eyes of public. Therefore it is  necessary for them to maintain their public image for survival  and foremost duty of opposition party to tarnish it in order to ditch them  and consequently replace them  by their own candidates. Now it depends upon the logic of arguments cleverly  substituted by both the parties  to justify their point of view which can influence the masses to great extent. Tongue is a double edged knife which  can cut both the ways. If a person is convicted  on some clues by prosecution, the defence can prove him innocent on  the same clues, if pleaded properly. Ethics in politics  is always  sacrificed  for the sake of so called logic in it.  Ethics is an abstract term and non existent in politics and  logic is so called because it is only a  clever bid of presenting the argument in better way to influence the masses like hypnotism.  Therefore, any argument made in the right direction can make the Careers  of politicians and vice versa.
This reminds me of a book entitled 'Animal  Farm' written by George Orwell, which is a political satire. All the characters in this book are different  animals representing diverse classes in society. They free their farm  from the domain of Man and form their own administration. But in due course of time the animals   who worked hard for the independence and development of Farm and once regarded as hero's are turned in to villains by brainwashing the common masses  on the behest of some other animals.  It is a smart tale of how old hero's can be converted in to villains for the benefit of others.
Moreover some body has aptly said it that ' There are no permanent   friends and foes in politics but pertinent adjustments.
We have usually seen politicians  of different parties in order to grab power compromise their contradictory ideologies to  form coalition Governments. Yesterdays enemies become friends today because of the mutual interest in formation of government. They forget the earlier  rivalries , the dirt they  hurled on  each other and the accusations they made on each other. The greed of power persuades them to forget everything and they come closer, sometimes even to the surprise of their voters.
In a recent election, a politician defined politics as the art of managing contradictions. The quotations and definitions can be tailored to suit the convenience of a politician to achieve political ambitions, but stark reality is that compromising ideals and contradiction with the main objective of grabbing power defines the essence of politics. Therefore, politics is also art of compromising ideals for gaining power.
I had also a little experience of politics in my earlier period of service.   It was relatively on marginal level. I was elected Assistant Secretary of the Staff Association , zonal office unit with a huge margin of votes. After sometime members of our association were not satisfied with our work , particularly of our secretary. They started signature campaigning   against us. I thought it my moral duty to resign from the post. But our Secretary and big leaders of the association were not interested in breaking the unit and persuaded me not to resign. As my conscience could not tolerate it any more, I resigned from the post to the much resentment of higher leaders. Then new elections were held and a new secretary of the same party was elected by  manipulations and rigging of  the elections despite of the fact that no member had voted in his favour. 

My wanderings - 7

Once in my childhood I laid my hands on an old piece of paper depicting my family tree which started with the name of our ancestor Pt. Raja Kaul. There were many other names  of our ancestors  in descending order and lastly my grandfathers name ended the sequence. I could not understand the importance of preserving the piece of paper at that age and lost it in due course of time. Then I had a chance of reading an article in a magazine on Pt Jawahar Lal Nehru  showing family tree of Nehru family  which also started with the name of  pt. Raja Kaul as their first ancestor .  But I could not confirm whether it was a matter of coincidence that both family trees started with the same name or Pt. Raja Kaul was one and the same person in both the family trees. As I had lost my family tree document I could not compare other generations of both family trees which I deeply regret. However, list in  descending order of generations was so long in both the family trees that it was not a matter of surprise that Pt. Raja Kaul would have been one and same person to head the Kaul dynasty in Kashmir.
As far as I have heard from my elders I could recollect my  dynasty from Pt. Nand Kaul who had no child and adopted  male child from his cousin and named him Ram Kaul. Then wife of pt. Nand Kaul gave birth to her own  male child and named him pt. Amar Kaul who formed another clan of our dynasty.  Pt. Ram Kaul worked in police Dept. as a clerk and was married to Smt. Sampkuji from Labru family. Pt. Ram Kaul was a quick witted person  with a  bit  of hot  temperament  and his wife a pious and kind lady. He had two sons and two daughters. His elder son pt. Laxman Kaul, my grand father was a very  religious  and intelligent man and worked in State Excise Deptt. He was married to smt.Radhamali from Rainas  family. My Grandmother was also very beautiful and intelligent woman. They gave birth to two sons Pt. Gopi Nath Kaul and  my father Pt. Sham Lal kaul. My grandfather Pt. Laxman Kaul died very young   at  the age of  29 years only.  My father was only two years old at that time. Pt. Laxman Kaul was very religious man. On every  'shuklpaksh Ashtami' he used to visit Mata Kheer bhawani shrine  at Tulamula , which was approximately 25 kms away from his residence at Srinagar. Like most of the people ,those days,  he used to visit the shrine on foot as there was no  availability of public transport. Once he applied  for  a days leave with the same purpose, but his senior  rejected his leave application. He was left with no other alternative but to start his journey in the evening on foot and travel to and fro through out the night. After his brief  sojourn  and paying his oblations at the shrine , he reached the office on time next day. After few days the right hand of the officer who had rejected  his leave application was paralyzed. But it is not known whether the officer  realized his mistake or at least connected his sickness with the above mentioned  incident or not. Due to the death of my Grandfather at an early age, my father and my uncle were brought up by their grandfather Pt.Ram Kaul and  uncle Pt.Samsar Chand Kaul, a dedicated and hard working man who was married to  smt.Tarawati from  chakoo family of Rainawari. They  had five daughters and a Son. The name of their son is Sh.Girdhari Lal Kaul who is settled at pathankot.
My uncle Pt. Gopi nath Kaul was a sharp witted and intelligent person who was first Dentist in the valley. His Son Dr. A.K.Kaul was a renowned and first graduate dental surgeon in the valley.
My father a devout Hindu got interested  in spirituality right from his childhood. After completing his education he joined medical department. Once on duty at Badgam Kashmir,  he was preying on the river bank early in the morning, a great saint  Swami Nand Lal ji of Badgam, who was lovingly called Mahatma ji  noticed him and advised him to join his teaching classes in the evening. My father most readily accepted his offer and started joining his classes and never looked back. Then my father became his most devoted desiple  and learned the delicacies of spirituality under his feet. My father lived a full satisfied life of a family man taking full responsibility of a family but remained aloof from the  worldly affairs. He was living example of spiritual virtues and embodiment of values envisaged by Gita.
My mother was a devoted  housewife and  a resourceful lady who used to manage all the affairs of our family. She was daughter of Sh.Sham Lal KaK, who was  one among first graduates in the valley  and  one of the pioneers of theater in Kashmir. His two sons  Sh.Amar Nath KaK and Sh. Som Nath KaK were  founders of optician business in Kashmir.
My parents gave birth to five daughters and two sons. I am the youngest in family and my elder brother Dr.V.K.Kaul is a renowned chemical engineer and first doctorate in chemical engineering from our family.

My Wanderings - 6

                               Every individual in this world may not be perfect, but  certainly  possesses a fair mix of good and bad qualities. The quantum of mix may vary from person to person. The good qualities of one person may over weigh his bad qualities and in case of another person reverse may be true. But it is universal truth that we are in habit of  exploiting  only bad qualities of a person rather than recognizing  the good qualities present in him. Good qualities of a person are always taken for granted and are rarely acknowledged.  Instead of exploiting bad qualities of a person,  if good qualities present in him are accounted for and occasionally expressed  to him, it will bring  more  goodness out of him and can  also produce reciprocal effect to the large extent. Moreover, exploiting bad qualities of a person and constantly pointing about  it to him will leave the person dejected and make him useless for all. The approach of  highlighting the good qualities of a person in a positive manner sometimes, help in lessening his bad qualities also. The positive approach will  also  change the scenario of our relationships  altogether  and such relationships can prove beneficial for us.
The qualities  of an individual may range from his personality to  behavior  and  bringing   in its fold his  cumulative  disposition. In order to find good qualities in a person we are obliged to take interest in his personality. There is always scope for a good quality in a person, whatsoever bad he may be. Finding of a good quality in a person  genuinely and expressing the same  honestly must be  essence of  our approach,  otherwise it may amount to psycho fancy.
If we sincerely praise a person for his hair style or a sense of dress, he will feel elated and devoid of any  tension or boredom in his life at least for that day.  Same is true in case a person is appreciated  honestly for his intelligence or good work done by him,  he  will try to mould himself to your expectations and can derive maximum satisfaction from the modest means  provided to him by life.  This approach sometimes works like a magic wand and performs miracles in life.
Money is important to make our lives smooth by providing the basic necessities of life to us, but it is not our ultimate aim. In addition to money, purpose in life and recognition is also necessary for our  individual growth.  Otherwise there is no difference in lives of men and animals. There are scores of examples in support of this view point. All rags to riches stories  in this world bear testimony to the fact that a small encouragement or  some recognition of their work by someone at some stage of life have made them to go ahead  and realize their dreams.
                                  It is a well known fact that a person can never be perfect. Perfectness is not human ,it  is divine, but err is human, imperfect ness is human. There can never be a dispute over this. Nature has provided different qualities to different persons. Some persons are very intelligent. Some persons are not so very intelligent. Some persons are literate and some persons are illiterate. But nature has bestowed some special powers to some persons who have  been deprived from other qualifications.  I remember a couplet in Urdu which I want to quote here.

Aay Dene wale too ne kami na ki
Ab kis
KO kya mila yeh mukadar ki baat hai

Oh! God you have not deprived any one from your graciousness
But fate of person decides how much one is entitled to receive

Intelligent and literate persons are not usually so bold  because before starting a  scuffle with some one they think about the consequences of it. They think about all the pros and con's of situation, they think about all legal delicacies of case which hinders them to take any bold step or a timely action and make them timid in the eyes of others. Actually they do not want to take law in their own hands.  However, on the other hand an illiterate or ignorant person with out thinking about the pros and con's of situation will reciprocate  in time and  that will make them bold in the eyes of others. Many times actual meaning of words loose their significance and we start believing in the meaning  of it derived by others.

My wanderings - 4

               The life teaches many  lessons to each and every individual irrespective of his field of occupation or Profession.   Maxim Gorky a renowned writer of Russia who is famous for his book 'THE MOTHER' has also written  his Autobiography in two parts' My Childhood 'and 'My Universities'. He has never  formally attended a school and not to speak of  joining universities. He has done all the odd jobs in his childhood as a domestic servant, bakers help and  shop Assistant. Latter in his youth he  spent time with  many ruffians, failures in life and dejected persons, whom he refers as  great teachers in his pursuit of knowledge. Most of characters in his books are same  type of persons from whom he learned great lessons of life  and which inspired  him to write his great classics.
Same is the case with another great writer of Russia Fyodor Dostoevsky, who is famous for his books 'Crime and Punishment' and 'Brothers Karamazov'. He  has spent his time with criminals , drunkards and persons discarded by society which prompted him to author best books of world. Dostoevsky was also  considered as a great expert on criminal psychology.
Therefore, a positive approach to a calamity can change it into  an opportunity and negative approach can turn every opportunity into calamity. It is well said that we should hate the sin but not the sinner.
Learning  from the  experiences of life is a great option available  and  that is not confined to particular group of persons only and formal colleges and universities are not the only  platforms of learning.
In our Hindu scriptures like 'Ekadashaskand'  the writer describes  a prostitute as his teacher because he learns from her the lesson of concentration, with which she is waiting for her customers.
There are some exceptions also which can not be ruled out. Moreover,
experience is not  a form of legacy which can be inherited like deposits or property by the descendent. If you want to teach someone from your own experience, he will not learn. He learns only with his own experiences.
Vivekananda a great saint of India has said , Don't believe a thing if somebody has said it so. Don't believe a thing if you  have read it from a book. Find out the truth yourself and that is realization.
The experiences influence convictions and the different  experience on same subject  can form different convictions. A person deceived in love by a woman will form the opinion that all the  woman are deceitful and a man having good experience of love with woman will adore such relationship.
                     Life is a great university which gives opportunity to every person to learn with his own experiences and  dejections and failures in life, are great teachers which lead him to success.  I quote here an Urdu couplet

Rang lati hain hina pather pe gis Jane ke  baad
Aqal aati hain bashar KO thokre khane ke  baad

Mehndi becomes colorful only after grinding it on stone
Man becomes wise only after failures and dejections

Realization of facts  behind the experiences of life,  sometimes, accelerate the learning process in the university of life, overcoming hurdles like failures and dejections and paving way for success and glory. However only success should not be the ultimate aim of life. Learning from the experiences of  life and harnessing the same for the betterment of society also leaves enough scope for achieving the aims and aspirations cherished by some persons.
Coming on the lighter side I am sharing a personal incident about one of my colleagues working with me in the Bank , who had once confided to me that he was  interested in philosophy but had to join bank because of financial constraints. Once chatting with our boss in our lunch hours we started discussing philosophy and literature. Our boss told us that these philosophers are queer type of people, who can mostly be found  in colleges and  universities. My friend had a  reservation for this comment of our boss. He replied to boss," No Sir, I don't agree with you.   philosophers  can be found anywhere. Even in Banks you can find  them". Perhaps  he was attracting the attention of boss to himself.
It appeared to be a joke at that time. But it was conveying the  message  that philosophy and literature are not  the domain of some professions  and can not remain confined to the four  walls of some educational institutions only.  But this whole world  is arena for  learning and experiencing the stark reality of life, which forms the basis of all philosophies and literature.

My wanderings - 3

                         It is a well known saying that 'Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so'. Sometimes Small problems, if dealt with wrong or negative  approach, become  big problems for us and others who are dealing with us. In the same way big problems dealt , with right or positive approach, get minimized for us, as well as for others concerned with us. There will be less problem so far as our thinking and approach is related with ourselves only. But man is a social animal and he can not live alone in a forest like Robinson Crusoe. He has to interact with others in his family, office and society. Moreover, modern technology in communication means like mobile phones,TV, internet and various fast  transport modes  have made this world very small, accessible and transparent. Therefore, it is necessary to learn some skills or tips when we have to deal with others to make our as well as the  life of others meaningful and purposeful, devoid of any  tensions, which later on culminate into depressions. No person in this world is without problems. The problems can be diverse  in nature. It may be personal,domestic, official and so on and so forth. All the problems originate due to  the 'inbox' mindset of  a person and the solution to all the problems is 'out of the box ' attitude of him. Therefore, problems will never originate if a person will cultivate an 'out of box ' thinking attitude as a habit. The 'out of box' thinking means change of outlook or approach of a person towards a problem. It is easier said than done.   But if a person really has a will can aspire for this art.
This can be explained by the simple example of husband and wife relation,  which is most intimate and is therefore, more prone to contradictions and conflicts. Both husband and wife are working and they have a small child. The child awakes  in the midnight and starts crying. The husband after hearing his first cry comes out of the bed and changes the nappy of child and makes him to sleep again. This is 'out of box'  approach to the problem. The problem is solved. But this attitude of husband is very rare.
Normally what husband will do? He will not come out of the bed. He will think that his wife is deliberately skipping the problem. This is her job. She has become very lazy. I can not afford to sacrifice my sleep. I have an important meeting to attend tomorrow. He will try to awaken his wife so that she can take care of the child. The thoughts of ill will  against his wife will form a never ending chain. This can be defined as an  'in box' approach of husband towards his wife. The wife can also harbor  reciprocate feeling against her husband, even if she will not say anything verbally. Some times these small grudges   in succession will  even lead to the breaking of marriage and small favors of husband can save the marriage and build the bond of  confidence and affection between the two.
This small incident may appear exaggerated to some persons  but it forms the base of  the behavior and attitude of an indudual and is applicable in  all walks of life.  The positive outlook can make our other relations and friendships more  adorable and affordable.
This can  also make our official commitments more easier and comfortable.
Sometimes we judge our children in home or our juniors at work place with our experienced and matured outlook and complain about them or reprimand them for their careless approach and mistakes.  We forget that what mistakes we were committing and what type of outlook we had when we were of their age. When we recall our youth,  we feel that they are still far better than us. If we deal with our children or  juniors with that perspective most of our problems will be automatically  solved  and make better environment for us in home and office.
I want to share my personal experience when I was  newly posted as Manager Operations at Jawahar Nagar Srinagar branch  in late nineties. Once in office I noticed that a customer  was quarreling with one of my colleagues seated on Fixed deposit counter. He was telling her to close all his Fixed Deposits as he does not want to keep any deposit at this branch. I requested the customer to come to me , offered him a chair and listened patiently to all his complaints and made a list of them. The customer was a superintending engineer and posted in public works Deptt.  One of his complaints was that he was having so many fixed deposits and he was not allowed to open a savings Bank account with out proper introduction and challenged me  to open one for him. I immediately managed to open his savings Bank account with my introduction after checking his credentials and redressed most of his grievances  on spot. He was glad  and continued to be our customer.  My colleague handling Fixed Deposit was surprised to see the customers changed disposition. Then he visited the branch again to make a Bank Draft which I managed for him within a short period  of time and introduced him to my colleague on draft counter as a valued customer of branch. Then I completely  forgot about this incident.
Once I was waiting for a public conveyance  out side the bank, as I had to visit my relatives.  I was surprised to see a long car stopped in front of me and a gentleman alighted from the driving seat of car and began to exchange pleasantries with me. It was the same customer whom I had helped in the branch. He offered me a lift in his car and introduced me to his wife, who was already in the car, as his valued Bank Manager. Then he dropped me at my destination , out of turn , despite of my much reluctance, as his route was quite different.

My wanderings - 2

In young age every person has a rebellion tendency. I had also a little share of rebellion in me when I was young. I was trying to be rationale and therefore, never believed in superstitions which were interwoven in the fabric of our society in general. In the course of my wanderings my close neighbor and friend Sh.P.K.Mattoo gave me a book entitled ' Be Gone God Men' written by Dr.Abrahim Kavoor, of Sri Lanka, who was the only doctorate in parapsychology and has devoted his life in erasing the menance of  superstitions in the society. He had written  about  fifty case histories of  patients suffering from psychological disorders and treated them successfully.  By reading these case histories, prima facie, it appears from the behavior of  persons mentioned therein, that they had been haunted by some supernatural powers or ghosts.  Later on reader understands the rationale of their disease which had been  basically psychological in nature.
In one of the cases a housewife found that all the clothes in her wardrobe were cut into pieces,  a pair of shoes lying in her rice cooker and some one had written on the walls of her bedroom that this is a haunted house. She visited many quacks and Charlton's  to free her house from the shadow of ghosts but without any use. Latter on she visited Dr.kavoor on the recommendations of her friend. Dr. Kavoor brought her into subconscious state of mind and she agreed that she was doing it herself  and  she will not do it again. When she came to her conscious state of mind. she was unaware of any thing but she was cured of  the disease. which Doctor Kavoor had diagnosed purely as psychological.
Some God men  do miracles stop their pulse, produce holy ash or watches for their disciples which are simple  tricks manipulated by them.  Dr. Kavoor was knowing all these tricks himself and he challenged to all Godmen  that whosoever does a  miracle in his presence  will be rewarded with rupees one lakh. It was a huge amount in early seventies. No God men accepted his challenge. He once said that I am not a rich man ,if I ever loose the challenge,  I will be reduced to destitutes but I am sure that I will  never loose the challenge. It is necessary to mention here that one eminent  scientist  who was scientific advisor to Govt. of India and disciple of some Guru accepted his challenge but lost the same. Dr.Kavoor had spent many nights in graveyards, crematory grounds and many haunted houses to find the ghosts but he could never locate one. According to him ghosts are created by the weak will of person in the form of hallucinations.
By reading this book I became more confident and  it also strengthened my belief to fight against superstitions. In the mean time I had also the chance of encountering  my pack of superstitions which I want to share with you.
It was when I joined my first job after graduation  at newly built watch factory in Srinagar. It was a tough time and very odd working hours that I  had to face. I used to have weakly night and day shifts which changed alternately. Once while  attending the night shift, I came to know that  one of my colleagues who was on duty last week,  got possessed by  a ghost as he had created a scene when he was working lonely in a big hall. He had rolled on the ground and yelled nonsense dialogs   and in a fit of rage he fell unconscious and was taken to hospital, where he was  recovering then. My boss called  me and  advised   that  we should not believe in superstitions and the scene created by our colleague may lead  even to closure of factory . You should take care while working on his seat and  try to  falsify his drama.   However, we are keeping another person with you in  the hall.I was eagerly looking for such an opportunity and I readily agreed to his proposal with a thrill of adventure.
I started my work on that very allegedly  haunted seat and my colleague was working about thirty feet ahead of me. With the passage of time pitch  darkness of night  engulfed exteriors and the sullen  atmosphere of  hall appeared more gloomy and melancholic despite of enough illumination inside.   My colleague working in the same hall would come to me after a gap of every half an hour,  with fear writ large on his face, to seek my encouragement. Sometimes he would leave the hall to while away the time. Once he left me alone in the hall for two hours and when I tried to look for him, I found him chatting with  security guards in lower floor near the gate which was far away from the hall. Then after completing our shift and with out witnessing any untoward incident, we left for our residences.  Later on as expected, this event did not fetch me any laurels but only strengthened  my belief against superstitions.
Another incident happened after my marriage. I was newly married and invited  by my in-laws to attend the 'Hawan  ceremony'  which they were performing at Mata Khir Bhawani,  temple at Tulamulla. They had also invited a Saintly person who was believed to be predicting everything rightly. I was also seated next to him but some of his unworthy  and cheap actions persuaded me to think otherwise of him . He would place some unknown objects in the hands of people and  tell them to close their fists and eyes. Then these persons would tell that after closing their eyes they have seen heavenly objects. I told him plainly that it is sort of hypnotism that   he was  doing and it has nothing to do with divinity. My statement made him angry and he  began to address me as  an atheist. Then he practiced the same trick  on me. He kept some small object on my right hand and  immediately clenching my fist  advised  me to close my eyes,  to which I meticulously obeyed.  Then after chanting some mantra he asked me to narrate what I was observing.  I could not see anything. He tried very hard but could not get any response from me. Then he threatened me that  as you are going to sleep next to me in the hall, I will show you the consequences of your arrogance in the midnight. As so many people were sleeping in the hall, I had to sleep next to him, but I slept nicely throughout the night without any obstruction.
Then by and by  many persons including my in-laws lost faith on him because of his actions unworthy of saints.

My Wanderings

In  my adolescent age like all other teenagers I developed a deep  sense of inquisitiveness for various aspects of life which persuaded me  to read books on subjects like philosophy, psychology, literature and many others.  I  was seeking answer to the queries which usually haunted my mind and books were the only source to satisfy my curiosity. In this process I lagged behind in my studies and could not achieve any outstanding performance in this field. I remained tagged with a mediocre brand.
One of the books that influenced me very much was personal psychology of Alfered Adler. I got answers to most of my teenage queries which usually perturbed me.
The full description of complexes of a person  viz.Inferiority complex and superiority complex was well explained. It was really a discovery for me at that age to know that superiority complex does not exist at all and  it is only a form of inferiority complex. A person suffering from inferiority complex only makes show  of his superiority to hide his inferiority. The inferiority can be mental or physical. A person suffering from some physical disorder will be having his other faculties sharp in order to overcome his shortcomings.
A person usually in habit of saying that he is suffering from inferiority complex is actually suffering from superiority complex (again  a form of inferiority complex) because he wants to tell others that at least he knows what he is suffering from.
Daile carnige , the writer of best seller book 'How to influence people and win friends 'usually gives reference of personal psychology of Alfered Adler.
While explaining influencing the people, he writes... I like myself cream and strawberry but when I go for fishing I usually hook my fishing rod with a worm in order to catch the fishes. The worm is the favorite of fishes.  When we have to deal with a  certain person we should be aware of his liking. Some times people prepare themselves in others subject of interest if they have to deal with them.
It is easy to become an orator but very difficult to become a good listener. Once upon a time I was invited by a friend to a party and he introduced to me to a very important client. The client gave me good lectures on his Various favorite subjects to which I listened very patiently. I had hardly spoken a word but while leaving, the client told to my friend that I was a very good speaker.
Sometimes it is better to suggest your subordinates than ordering them and it is better to win the will of person you are dealing with rather than to win his argument. By winning a argument your ego is satisfied but consequently  you loose a friend or client.
I was myself living with a guilt that I could not do much justice with my studies, but when I see my life in retrospect, I can  visualize  that at the start of my career ,although , I  was not well equipped to earn my living but I was well equipped with the art of living. I was not professionally intelligent but I had gained some worldly wisdom. I was well equipped to face the  problems  of life with patience and calmness. It was my strength, which I recognized in latter part of my career but it helped me a lot. I could stand the official as well as domestic pressures with ease.
The criterion of intelligence must  not be related only with cramming of books and passing of competitive exams but considered  with initiative, planning and quick decision making of a person.
Although I agree that wisdom comes to a  person with experiences and age  but I feel that our education system should have provision to inculcate qualities of patience, perseverance and etiquette in students  along with academic knowledge. Because some persons never grow up in life they only grow old. Moreover, I have rarely seen a fair mix of  intelligence and wisdom in a person. Both these qualities blended together can make a person perfect to great extent.

Hangama hain kyonv barpa thodi see jo pee hai

Akbar Allahbadi a great  urdu poet was born in 1846 and died in 1921 in Allahabad. His small couplets in urdu  written  more than a century ago are very fascinating and have amazing resemblances with the political, ethical and cultural values of present times.

1.Quom ke  GAM me dinner khate hain hukkaam ke saath
    Ranj  leader KO bohut hain magar aaraam ke saath.
   (They cry over the community's woes with rulers over fine dinners.
   The leader talks of sorrows but in comfort.)

This couplet has  similarity with present political set up in our country. Our Prime Minister Mr.Modhi emerged recently as a national leader representing the ethos of common man with chaiwala image, which helped him to win the elections and form Government.  But within a span of nine months only he was seen shaking hands and discussing investments in india with Obama ,draped in rupees ten lakh worth made in england suit,  probably to impress common man in India who voted for him and who himself  is below poverty line and  still lives in dearth of basic necessities of life I.e.food,clothing and shelter. His outfit was betraying his disposition and image in public life. Pt.Nehru first P.M. of India, whose image is being maligned these days,  abandoned foreign clothes for handwoven khadi  inspite of his rich ancestry.

2.Beparda nazar aaye Jo kal chend bibyan
   Akbar zameen mai  gayrate qomi se garh gaya
   Poocha Jo Maine apka purda tha kya hua
   Kahney lage ki aqal pe mardoon ke pad gaya
( yesterday when I saw a few women without  a veil, I was stunned for lack of morals in community. When I enquired about their veil. They told me that it has covered the intellect of men.)

It is true in present scenario also.  All types of morals and ethics are  imposed upon the women only. In Islamic countries women are advised to remain in veils and are  deprived of all rights. In our secular country also newspapers are full of news items of rape  and exploitation against women. Whenever such incidents happen some of our moralists start lecturing on the dress etiquette and make up of women. They say women should not enjoy full liberty in society as they are prone to high risk. Therefore, they are advised not to use cellphone or not to celebrate velentaine day which is direct attack on their fundamental rights. But it is not actually attire of women or liberty enjoyed by women but mindset of  some men that needs to be transformed, which is covered with the veil of lust and male ego. Men and women are inseparable parts of our society. Men should not perceive woman as an object of entertainment . Woman should always be respected as  she represents the image of our mother, sister and daughter. Such type of mindset in men will definitely ensure safety of woman. Ramakrishna paramhansa   regarded every woman as the incarnation of Maa Kali. However we can not expect all men  to be having such high morals but at least mindset of some men needs to be changed so that they can respect woman.

3.Sidharenge Sheikh Kaba to hum  Englistan jayenge
   Woh Khuda ka ghar dekhenge, Hum  Khuda ki Shaan dekhenge
   (When Sheikh will go to Kaba we shall visit  England
   He will see the home of Lord and we shall see the grace of Lord).

With spiritual pursuits and renunciation , development and pursuit of  nature is also necessary because lord manifests in its creation as described by our religions. What is  characteristic  feature of   Kashmiri Shivism that it says all things are manifestations of this consciousness but the phenomenal world (Shakti)  is real ,having its being in consciousness (chit).
Moreover, Development is the sign of life and disaster signifies death.   A person  can not escape from development. It is the reward for persons continuous hard  work for years together in pursuit of achieving excellence.

4. Huye is kadar mohzib kabi ghar ka na muh dekha
     Kati umar hotloo me, mare haspataal me jakar.
     ( we have become so much civilized that we have never visited home
       We spent our life in hotels and died in hospitals)

These days In blind pursuit of materialistic objects,  a person is getting detached with his roots. He is forgetting his language  and culture, which is otherwise necessary for the balanced growth and development of an indudual. A person should not be taken away by the winds of development and prosperity. He should keep his cool and maintain his induduality.