My wanderings - 3

                         It is a well known saying that 'Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so'. Sometimes Small problems, if dealt with wrong or negative  approach, become  big problems for us and others who are dealing with us. In the same way big problems dealt , with right or positive approach, get minimized for us, as well as for others concerned with us. There will be less problem so far as our thinking and approach is related with ourselves only. But man is a social animal and he can not live alone in a forest like Robinson Crusoe. He has to interact with others in his family, office and society. Moreover, modern technology in communication means like mobile phones,TV, internet and various fast  transport modes  have made this world very small, accessible and transparent. Therefore, it is necessary to learn some skills or tips when we have to deal with others to make our as well as the  life of others meaningful and purposeful, devoid of any  tensions, which later on culminate into depressions. No person in this world is without problems. The problems can be diverse  in nature. It may be personal,domestic, official and so on and so forth. All the problems originate due to  the 'inbox' mindset of  a person and the solution to all the problems is 'out of the box ' attitude of him. Therefore, problems will never originate if a person will cultivate an 'out of box ' thinking attitude as a habit. The 'out of box' thinking means change of outlook or approach of a person towards a problem. It is easier said than done.   But if a person really has a will can aspire for this art.
This can be explained by the simple example of husband and wife relation,  which is most intimate and is therefore, more prone to contradictions and conflicts. Both husband and wife are working and they have a small child. The child awakes  in the midnight and starts crying. The husband after hearing his first cry comes out of the bed and changes the nappy of child and makes him to sleep again. This is 'out of box'  approach to the problem. The problem is solved. But this attitude of husband is very rare.
Normally what husband will do? He will not come out of the bed. He will think that his wife is deliberately skipping the problem. This is her job. She has become very lazy. I can not afford to sacrifice my sleep. I have an important meeting to attend tomorrow. He will try to awaken his wife so that she can take care of the child. The thoughts of ill will  against his wife will form a never ending chain. This can be defined as an  'in box' approach of husband towards his wife. The wife can also harbor  reciprocate feeling against her husband, even if she will not say anything verbally. Some times these small grudges   in succession will  even lead to the breaking of marriage and small favors of husband can save the marriage and build the bond of  confidence and affection between the two.
This small incident may appear exaggerated to some persons  but it forms the base of  the behavior and attitude of an indudual and is applicable in  all walks of life.  The positive outlook can make our other relations and friendships more  adorable and affordable.
This can  also make our official commitments more easier and comfortable.
Sometimes we judge our children in home or our juniors at work place with our experienced and matured outlook and complain about them or reprimand them for their careless approach and mistakes.  We forget that what mistakes we were committing and what type of outlook we had when we were of their age. When we recall our youth,  we feel that they are still far better than us. If we deal with our children or  juniors with that perspective most of our problems will be automatically  solved  and make better environment for us in home and office.
I want to share my personal experience when I was  newly posted as Manager Operations at Jawahar Nagar Srinagar branch  in late nineties. Once in office I noticed that a customer  was quarreling with one of my colleagues seated on Fixed deposit counter. He was telling her to close all his Fixed Deposits as he does not want to keep any deposit at this branch. I requested the customer to come to me , offered him a chair and listened patiently to all his complaints and made a list of them. The customer was a superintending engineer and posted in public works Deptt.  One of his complaints was that he was having so many fixed deposits and he was not allowed to open a savings Bank account with out proper introduction and challenged me  to open one for him. I immediately managed to open his savings Bank account with my introduction after checking his credentials and redressed most of his grievances  on spot. He was glad  and continued to be our customer.  My colleague handling Fixed Deposit was surprised to see the customers changed disposition. Then he visited the branch again to make a Bank Draft which I managed for him within a short period  of time and introduced him to my colleague on draft counter as a valued customer of branch. Then I completely  forgot about this incident.
Once I was waiting for a public conveyance  out side the bank, as I had to visit my relatives.  I was surprised to see a long car stopped in front of me and a gentleman alighted from the driving seat of car and began to exchange pleasantries with me. It was the same customer whom I had helped in the branch. He offered me a lift in his car and introduced me to his wife, who was already in the car, as his valued Bank Manager. Then he dropped me at my destination , out of turn , despite of my much reluctance, as his route was quite different.