Monday, 7 December 2015

My wandering - 23. Samarpan

A boy and a girl were working as soft ware engineers in an IT firm in Banglore. The girl was from Maharashtra, who was brought up by her widow mother with much difficulty and after undergoing many emotional  upheavals in her life but her husband  had left them with a good fortune which he had earned as a businessman. That helped her to pursue the careers of her two daughters.  The boy was a Kashmiri pandit and only son of his parents, who  migrated from kashmir to Jammu  after the turmoil. But his father who was a police officer had to join his duties back  at Srinagar till his retirement. In the meantime boy completed his engineering from some obscure college of Maharashtra and secured a job in Banglore, where he fell in love with his colleague , a Marathi girl. However, the marriage was performed after much hurdles created by both the parties. After marriage the couple started to live  at their place of work  near Banglore. They lived happily for a year or so after marriage and  were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.  But cracks began to develop in their relationship with passage of time on flimsy grounds. As they were a working couple, the husband hardly helped her wife in domestic chores or bringing up of baby and whenever he helped her it was with an air of obligation. Although a maid was employed by them but she was not available with them all the twenty four hours. Sometimes in the midnight baby would cry, the husband thought that his  wife will look after the child. He has an urgent meeting to attend tomarrow. How can he spoil his sleep.
The wife was also in habit of nagging her husband and usually mentioning  about the help she provided by earning for the family. As in early times man was responsible to earn for the family and woman had to look after the family. The jobs of man and a woman were specifically identified and well defined. But nowadays when both the spouses are earning they have not changed their mindset with the changing times. The husband still thinks that if he helps the wife in domestic chores, he is obliging her and same is case with the wife if she is earning.
While reverting to the story, such little incidents created wedge between the couple to the extent that they decided to live separately.
In the meantime Boys father, who was a very dominant and practical person visited his sons separate living place and began to council him so that his son reconciles with his wife. He confided with him some  diplomatic tips of keeping his wife happy. At  last he said, If you want to keep your male ego alive, you should dominate the psyche of your wife in such a way that she is not able to take her decisions with out your consultation. But consciously she must think that she is making all the decisions independently. It is the psychological dominance you will have to create over
your wife. This is the secret of my happy marriage but the same  is to be handled very carefully, otherwise it may have negative repercussions.
The boy somehow reconciled  with his wife and they began to live together again. But he proved to be a bad desiple and could not implement his fathers diplomatic formulas properly. The result was the old skirmishes
began to creep  in the relation again , untill the mother of wife visited their joint residence for the rescue of their marriage. She was very pragmatic and sophisticated lady with a fair blend  of traditional and modern outlook and values.
After few days stay she began to council both her daughter and son-in-law  jointly.
She told them that marriage is a sacred institution which binds the two souls together for a life time. While friendship is between two equals but relationship can not be necessarily  between equals. Relationship always flourishes with an attitude of dedication and love which we call in Hindi as ' Samarpan' I.e total surrender of body mind soul and all belongings. The surrender should be reciprocal and both sides should consider the other side superior than himself. Even if there is complete surrender from one side only, it should be to the extent that other side should not take it for granted. It is a contract of absolute truth, utmost  good faith and mutual trust. If once the provisions  of the contract are breached upon, it is very difficult to repair the  damages. She also told them how difficult it is  to live a lonely life with out a spouse, particularly  in old age. She gave them practical examples as she was living such type of  life herself. After hearing the advices of  their mother, the husband and wife looked at each other and vowed to live a life afresh which shall be full of trust and mutual understanding.
Ramesh Kaul