My Wanderings - 27. Token of Love and Faith

It was  much  cloudy   afternoon of august 2003 with arrival  of   fresh monsoon after long scorching heat of the summer season at jammu. The atmosphere was humid and air laden with water particles of early  morning showers of the day. I along with my wife decided to pay our obeisance at the much revered shrine of  kashmiri pandits Mata Raginya Devi, popularly known as Mata Khir Bhawani shrine at Janipura Jammu. As we sat in front of Mata to perform puja under the guidance of Guru ji, another family of Kashmiri pandits comprising of a Gentleman  and perhaps  his two kids of adolescent age son and daughter also sat besides us for the same purpose. As Guru ji started puja the Gentleman brought out from  his front shirt pocket  a small and  beautiful box containing some  ornaments and kept them along with other puja articles. It was a complete pair  of Dejhoor  with  chains known as Ath in kashmiri,  wearing of which represent the married status of a Kashmiri pandit  woman. It is just like Mangal Sutra in other Hindu communities.  He applied some vermilion on the ornament and sprinkled water and flowers on it. He was a middle aged man of short but stout stature with a little bald head. He had a clean shaven face with a tuft of grey moustaches profusely spread over his upper lip. His personality gave an  air of responsibility and concern for his kids, who also appeared very obedient and well groomed. They all bowed in front of Mata and paid their obeisance to her as well as  to the ornament lying in front of them. By their gestures I felt  that they all were holding the ornament with great respect. I could  understand that ornament  perhaps belonged to the mother of kids who had already  left this mortal world. Otherwise she would have been accompanying them this time. I had some feeling of  sympathy with the family alongwith  a sense of curiosity.
Latter on after completion of our prayers the gentleman  happened to sit next to me on the verandah surrounding the pond of temple. While exchanging some pleasantries with the man, I enquired about the ornament he was carrying with him only after apologising for my curiosity. He confirmed my belief that ornament belonged to his late  wife, who died in cross firing at Srinagar in early nineties. He also told me that his kids were very young at that time and he had to face many difficulties in bringing them up particularly due to migration of our community from Jammu to Srinagar. Now they both are doing engineering at Pune and are able to look after themselves. He also felt relieved to a great extent as he had promised to his dieing wife that he will look after them properly. Further he told me that he was taking his wife for granted as far as she lived with her. But with her death he could realise the importance of his wife who was a God given boon in his life. She was very pious and generous lady. I was always carefree and devoid of any responsibility in her presence. But in her absence I can  feel the drudgery of life which I was destined to face. Now regarding  the ornament, he pointed towards his pocket,  this helped me a lot to face the uncertainty of life. Whenever I felt discouraged or depressed while bringing up my children, a mere look at it made me feel  like full of bliss and hope which encouraged me to face this world with renewed  energy. Whenever I picked it up with my hands  and dangled it in front of my eyes,  it gave me a feeling of hypnotic effect which lead me from darkness of depression and dismay to the threshold of enlightenment and bliss. Though I am not a superstitious person but I had to compromise some rationality with belief and faith to compensate my state of mind with tranquility and peace. I could well understand his position and had no option but to believe on the charismatic effect of the token of love  and faith of his wife which he cherished so much.

My Wanderings - 26. Namrita

        In the year  1998 I was transferred to my native land Kashmir again after a period of eight years,  when we left the  Kashmir for good. I was posted  as Manager operations at one of the branches of my Bank in the city of  Srinagar. I was very much nostalgic about the city as I had spent my childhood and most of the part of my youth in this charismatic city. While taking over the charge of Branch my attention was attracted towards a small sealed packet, perhaps containing gold ornaments, with the word 'Namrita' inscribed on it.     
            It   was  a safe custody article  kept by some ex- staff member who had probably died and no body was claiming it now. The Lockers were not available at the branch earlier and people used to keep their valuables in safe custodies and staff was given this facility free of charge provided there was enough space in the branch Strong Room for such purposes.
The word Namrita, perhaps the name of the depositor haunted me for some days. I had to rack my nerves to reminisce the origin of  it from my youthful days in Srinagar, when I had recently  joined  the bank. It was  some twenty  years back.
It was a sunny day in Srinagar after a long winter. Banks were on strike and almost all the Bank employees  in the city  gathered in the compound  of city main branch for protest .  I was young and unmarried  in my early twenties with a carefree temperament. One of the ladies sitting in the gathering attracted my attention. She was extraordinarily beautiful. As I enquired about her whereabouts, one of my colleagues  told me  that she also works in the same bank and is senior to me by few years. She was very attractive with a fair and pretty face and a long and black tuft of hair profusely over flanking her round shoulders. Her looks  emitted an air of serenity and soberness which enhanced the charm of her personality to the extent that no person could venture to overlook her. While the procession of Bank employees passed through the main roads of city, I could not resist the temptation of managing myself to be in close proximity with her to have a better look at her. But perhaps  she remained unawares of all the turbulence she aroused in  all my heart and mind.
With the passage of time I could control my emotions and I  totally forgot about the incident. Then after sometime I came to know about her arranged  marriage with some engineer working in State Department. I  also got married and I never had chance to  see or talk to her ever.
After three or four years of her marriage , I overheard some female colleagues in my office talking about her.
They were saying that Namrita has very stranded relationship with her husband and In-laws. Her husband is  a worthless fellow and is treating her adversely. I  was little grieved over the situation as ordinarily a person with human heart could be.
Then after sometime I heard about her death in some mysterious   circumstances after her worsened relations with her in-laws and husband.
It was now after fifteen years of her death that I was taking charge of some of her belongings to revive the memories of my emotional but  unexpressed encounter with her.

My wanderings -25. Resurrection of a Relation

It was  a sunny day  after a long smoggy winter with streaks of clouds still hovering over the sky of Srinagar city. I was newly married and posted at the  zonal office of our Bank on Residency Road. I was still under the hangover  of newly created relation  with my wife, which was really a pleasant experience for me. But I was also skeptical about the other relations created by virtue of marriage like my in-laws etc. which was a normal trait of son in-laws during  those days. However, life was treating me smoothly and with out any  malice.
While sitting in the office,  some of my friends decided to visit the residence of our colleague  for mourning ,in the afternoon, whose father had expired recently.
It took us half an hour by bus to  reach Rainawari, where our colleague was residing. We were advised to sit in a room scarcely furnished but with a clean look. Two persons in casuals  who appeared to be close relatives of our colleague were sitting near the front corner of room. When most of the mourners  left  the room, they started talking to each other casually with out taking much notice of our presence. They started their conversation by referring to  a person who might have perhaps   recently visited and  left the room but I had not taken any notice of him.
"You see the particular person has visited our place after elapse of thirty years", said one.
Oh! yes after thirty two years to be more specific, retorted the other.
"Now what is the purpose of his visit after ruining every thing, "said the first one.
"He did not visit even when his wife died. A great woman. I can not forget her. May God bestow peace to her soul."
"But she was not lucky. She was very simple. She did not even let us to file a case against him for her maintenance." She said, "what is the fun of suing him for material things when I could not make place in his heart".
The conversation of the two persons, whom I latter came to know were  the uncles of my colleague, created much  curiosity in my mind. As the occasion was not proper to make enquiries, we had to leave the place with out satisfying our curiosity.
It was only after our colleague joined the duties we were able to satisfy our inquisitiveness created during our visit to his residence. He confided to us that two persons in the room on that day were his uncles and the man about whom they were talking was their brother in-law, who had left their eldest sister only after few months of marriage. The man was very egoistic and their aunt was very simple and dedicated. He realised only after few months of marriage that she was not a perfect match for her and abandoned her for some other woman. Our aunt spent her full life with us. She was a very good woman. After her husband left her she felt very dejected and forlorn but with the passage of time she became spiritual and lived a satisfied life under the feet of Lord and by helping others. When the second wife of her husband died, he sent her message to live with her once again. But she rejected his proposal by saying that it is very late now.
Then after sometime she died very peacefully but he did not visit them at that time also.
Now some good sense has prevailed upon him and he visited his in-laws to condole the death of his brother in-law, perhaps to resurrect his relationship.
This incident laid a deep impact on my marital relationships and released me from all skeptical behaviour. 

My wanderings - 24 Most compatible couple

Once in my youth I had a chance to visit a remote village in Kashmir in connection with my official duties. I reached the village by official wagon as no  public transport was connecting the village directly. But official Wagon was not going to wait  and bring  me back because my seniors required the services of the wagon urgently. I was supposed to arrange for some public transport  on my return journey.
I finished my job in the evening and  tried to return to city as early as possible. The local people advised me to go on foot from a particular direction and after walking  three or four kilo meters I will find a crossing where from I can get  some long route bus to carry me to city. I meticulously followed their instructions  till I reached the crossing . It was pitch dark by that time. After waiting on the crossing for some time, I was encountered by few pedestrians  who told me that  last bus  has already left and I won't  be able to find any bus for city now. They also advised me  to look for some shelter for the night in the  village which was half a kilometer away from  the crossing.
I was perplexed as how to handle the situation, when I met a passerby who was conspicuous by his short stature and a  limp on his left leg. After knowing my fate he advised me to accompany him to his home which was situated in near by village. The man appeared very reasonable  and there being no other alternative available , I accompanied the stranger to his village.
On reaching the village he knocked  at the door of his small house. The door was opened by his wife who was accompanied by their little daughter. I could not see the face of his wife as there was already dark in the passage leading to  a small room  where they made me to sit. In the dim light of lantern burning in the room I was amazed to see the beauty of his wife. There was an unusual display of contrast between the husband and wife. The husband was of short stature having ordinary features and with  a limp in his left leg while as wife was a paragon of beauty. She had amazing features and wonderful gait. I had rarely seen a woman of such beauty earlier.  She was a living version of the painting of  a woman drawn by some famous painter. I was taken aback by her looks and could not tear away my constant gaze from her face to much embarrassment of the lady and amusement of her husband. I tried to divert my attention towards the articles placed in the room but could not control stealing some inadvertent looks towards her. The room was well decorated, with not so expensive furniture, but with an aesthetic sense and good taste. Nothing seemed out of place in the room.
After taking  our dinner and enquiring about my whereabouts, the couple began to satisfy my curiosity which they had noticed from my first gaze at the woman. My curiosity  was   justified  and excusable according to them while  I was feeling very apologetic of my curious behaviour. Both of them were so friendly and hospitable  that  they never  let me feel like a stranger . I was now feeling  at home in their company.
The woman began to narrate me her story. She told me that in her teen age she fell in love with a handsome boy in her village who deserted her later on for some rich girl. She was disheartened by the incident to the extent that she never wanted to marry in her life. But after lapse of some time destiny played its own part  as she had to marry this man. This was not a compulsion on her  rather she herself  volunteered to marry the man because  she could notice some good qualities  in him.  she was a bit skeptical   about her decision earlier. Latter on   she  never regretted over  her  decision.   She would not have been able to find such a  considerate, caring and loving husband. They  developed such a chemistry in their relation as if they had been made for each other. She was very happy in her life with this man. They considered each other part of their lives and their relation was not confined to mere physical appearances.
Then after sleeping in their house for few hours more I tried to catch the early morning bus. I left their house thinking about  the mode of their relation. Whether it was an abstract form of love or habit of living together or familiarity which is kind to ugliness and cruel to beauty that had balanced their life. But they appeared  real soul mates, made for each other, with out malice towards any one and the most compatible  couple that I had ever seen.

My wandering - 23. Samarpan

A boy and a girl were working as soft ware engineers in an IT firm in Banglore. The girl was from Maharashtra, who was brought up by her widow mother with much difficulty and after undergoing many emotional  upheavals in her life but her husband  had left them with a good fortune which he had earned as a businessman. That helped her to pursue the careers of her two daughters.  The boy was a Kashmiri pandit and only son of his parents, who  migrated from kashmir to Jammu  after the turmoil. But his father who was a police officer had to join his duties back  at Srinagar till his retirement. In the meantime boy completed his engineering from some obscure college of Maharashtra and secured a job in Banglore, where he fell in love with his colleague , a Marathi girl. However, the marriage was performed after much hurdles created by both the parties. After marriage the couple started to live  at their place of work  near Banglore. They lived happily for a year or so after marriage and  were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.  But cracks began to develop in their relationship with passage of time on flimsy grounds. As they were a working couple, the husband hardly helped her wife in domestic chores or bringing up of baby and whenever he helped her it was with an air of obligation. Although a maid was employed by them but she was not available with them all the twenty four hours. Sometimes in the midnight baby would cry, the husband thought that his  wife will look after the child. He has an urgent meeting to attend tomarrow. How can he spoil his sleep.
The wife was also in habit of nagging her husband and usually mentioning  about the help she provided by earning for the family. As in early times man was responsible to earn for the family and woman had to look after the family. The jobs of man and a woman were specifically identified and well defined. But nowadays when both the spouses are earning they have not changed their mindset with the changing times. The husband still thinks that if he helps the wife in domestic chores, he is obliging her and same is case with the wife if she is earning.
While reverting to the story, such little incidents created wedge between the couple to the extent that they decided to live separately.
In the meantime Boys father, who was a very dominant and practical person visited his sons separate living place and began to council him so that his son reconciles with his wife. He confided with him some  diplomatic tips of keeping his wife happy. At  last he said, If you want to keep your male ego alive, you should dominate the psyche of your wife in such a way that she is not able to take her decisions with out your consultation. But consciously she must think that she is making all the decisions independently. It is the psychological dominance you will have to create over
your wife. This is the secret of my happy marriage but the same  is to be handled very carefully, otherwise it may have negative repercussions.
The boy somehow reconciled  with his wife and they began to live together again. But he proved to be a bad desiple and could not implement his fathers diplomatic formulas properly. The result was the old skirmishes
began to creep  in the relation again , untill the mother of wife visited their joint residence for the rescue of their marriage. She was very pragmatic and sophisticated lady with a fair blend  of traditional and modern outlook and values.
After few days stay she began to council both her daughter and son-in-law  jointly.
She told them that marriage is a sacred institution which binds the two souls together for a life time. While friendship is between two equals but relationship can not be necessarily  between equals. Relationship always flourishes with an attitude of dedication and love which we call in Hindi as ' Samarpan' I.e total surrender of body mind soul and all belongings. The surrender should be reciprocal and both sides should consider the other side superior than himself. Even if there is complete surrender from one side only, it should be to the extent that other side should not take it for granted. It is a contract of absolute truth, utmost  good faith and mutual trust. If once the provisions  of the contract are breached upon, it is very difficult to repair the  damages. She also told them how difficult it is  to live a lonely life with out a spouse, particularly  in old age. She gave them practical examples as she was living such type of  life herself. After hearing the advices of  their mother, the husband and wife looked at each other and vowed to live a life afresh which shall be full of trust and mutual understanding.
Ramesh Kaul
rkkaul.blogspot.com

My wanderings - 22. The old Man and a Girl

               An old man retired from public works,  a long ago  was living alone now, because his mother had died few years back. She was his only companion right from his birth as his father had died before his birth.  She  had brought up him as a child in much drudgery and poverty. She worked from Dawn to dusk tirelessly to provide all the facilities including a good education to his only son and never let him feel any sort of  deprivation   which could hamper his development. She did all the odd jobs including domestic help and baby sitter to make her both the ends meet. But the boy could not grew up as a smart and handsome youth to the much expectation of beautiful girls of his age. Perhaps much pampering of his mother or absence of his father had made his personality a bit oddly conspicuous. However he possessed a very good temperament and flawless character. With great difficulty he could arrange for his job but he was not able to find himself a match. Even her mother could not find a match for him through arranged marriages despite of her strenuous efforts. Most of the girls rejected him and left him dejected and finally he decided not to marry and spend his life in the service of his mother, who was growing old now.
              After the death of his mother he was feeling detached and forlorn. Now the meaninglessness of life was haunting him more  than the  fear of approaching death. He could not feel any significant difference between the two that is life and death.
In the meantime he grew up a friendship with a beautiful and young girl through social media. They started exchanging text messages and came to know about  each other through it. It was really a hilarious experience for the old man. He started to feel a thrill in his life. He would wait hours together to receive her messages or exchange Greetings with her. She was a young orphan girl living with her distant relative. She was a student and taking a few tuitions also. They came to know about the life of each other through exchange of messages or telephone calls, if necessary. The old man started giving her advices on all the matters of concern and helped her to seek even a job  by accompanying her on the day of interview in Public works, where  he could arrange for the recommendations. The old man found a purpose in life. He derived the joy  by helping this young girl . The girl also developed a faith on old man and began to share all the secrets with him. She also sought advices of old man where ever necessary. Old man also helped her sincerely, wherever his resources allowed him and sometimes even out of turn. The faculties of old man began to sharpen day by day and he  could give sagacious advices to girl, which were well appreciated by her. The drudgery of young girl also lessened with the passage of time.   The love and affection is a mutual understanding between two individuals with a bond of trust and good faith which can not be confined to a particular relation, age or caste.
In the meantime girl was in affair  with her colleague, who wanted to marry her. The girl gave her consent and disclosed all about her relationship with the old man to the boy. He appeared to be suspicious of this relationship and never allowed the girl to meet the old man again. When old man came to know about this he  felt very sad. But no sooner he recovered from this gloom than he nominated the girl as the heir of her all movable and immovable property.

My Wanderings - 20 Relationship. Husband and wife

The hero of my story is a common young man who falls in love with a beautiful woman of his age and marries her with the mutual consent of their parents with out any  hurdles. The mutual understanding and love lasted for fifteen years of  their marriage. In the meantime they gave birth to two children son and a daughter. After fifteen years they began to feel intolerant  about each other  and finding faults became their usual course of business. The husband  got highly  disgusted with the nagging behaviour of his wife. The wife  also could not tolerate the autocratic attitude of her husband any more.  Moreover, they got fed up with each others company and the glitter of marriage which remained for few years  began to fade away in the due course of time.
The husband preferred to stay more in office in the company of his lady  colleague who was very fashionable and having very good etiquettes. She had also a  fine  figure always draped in minimum clothing as per the demand of latest fashion and finery. Moreover lady was also married and  having  two children. She was not also satisfied with the marriage and very critical of her own vagabond spouce.  The company of lady gave much solace to the husband and he began to spent more time with her.  The lady appeared to him more accommodative and intelligent.  Both developed a relationship and husband could not resist the temptation of her  looks any more, which she enhanced with beauty aids. He announced his decision  of divorcing his wife and marrying the lady after reaching home. 
Leo Tolostoy once said, " why gambling is forbidden and not the dressing up of women in  the prostitutecal finery, particularly meant to excite men, is not  forbidden. That is thousand times dangerous than gambling. But the idea of tolostoy is very old and not applicable to present times. He would  not have been tolerated by women rights activists, had he been living presently and  had expressed such a point of view  on women. Now we believe that  it is the male  mindset which  is responsible for rapes and broken marriages and not the dressing up of women. Convictions and values change  and society becomes more permissive with the passage of time which leaves no scope for judging the ethics of both the statements.
While resuming the story, the wife is taken aback on hearing the immediate decision of her husband to leave her for another women. But good sense prevails upon  her  and she reconciles with the reality and agrees to leave  her immoral husband and live an independent life.
But the lady in question was neither in mood to leave her  children nor her  vagabond spouce. The relationship which she had developed with the man was sort of escapism sought by her from the drudgery of her routine life, with out considering the implications of it.
Now the man had no other alternative but to remain contended with his wife. The wife stoically continued the relation with no emotional scope for love or hate in it. Now she never nagged or loved her husband  and the man who was under emotional breakdown never interfered in the matters of his wife. His possessive nature ,which he changed now, had made him autocratic.
                  Marriages are arranged in heaven and celebrated on earth, made for each other couples, Soul mates. These quotes sound very pleasant and lovely but this may not be true in reality. Human nature is subject to change and no man or even for that matter of fact woman can claim to remain loyal to their spouses through out their lives. Every person gets bored after living with the same individual for years together and it is not surprising if he or she looks for an  alternate relationships. But how most of the couples remain together in spite of this trait of human behaviour  present in all and only few persons prove  themselves rebellions by separating with each other.  It is not  only the love that  binds the couple to remain  together  but habit of living together and mutual interest  in their children which persuades them to live together throughout their lives