My Wanderings - 20 Relationship. Husband and wife

The hero of my story is a common young man who falls in love with a beautiful woman of his age and marries her with the mutual consent of their parents with out any  hurdles. The mutual understanding and love lasted for fifteen years of  their marriage. In the meantime they gave birth to two children son and a daughter. After fifteen years they began to feel intolerant  about each other  and finding faults became their usual course of business. The husband  got highly  disgusted with the nagging behaviour of his wife. The wife  also could not tolerate the autocratic attitude of her husband any more.  Moreover, they got fed up with each others company and the glitter of marriage which remained for few years  began to fade away in the due course of time.
The husband preferred to stay more in office in the company of his lady  colleague who was very fashionable and having very good etiquettes. She had also a  fine  figure always draped in minimum clothing as per the demand of latest fashion and finery. Moreover lady was also married and  having  two children. She was not also satisfied with the marriage and very critical of her own vagabond spouce.  The company of lady gave much solace to the husband and he began to spent more time with her.  The lady appeared to him more accommodative and intelligent.  Both developed a relationship and husband could not resist the temptation of her  looks any more, which she enhanced with beauty aids. He announced his decision  of divorcing his wife and marrying the lady after reaching home. 
Leo Tolostoy once said, " why gambling is forbidden and not the dressing up of women in  the prostitutecal finery, particularly meant to excite men, is not  forbidden. That is thousand times dangerous than gambling. But the idea of tolostoy is very old and not applicable to present times. He would  not have been tolerated by women rights activists, had he been living presently and  had expressed such a point of view  on women. Now we believe that  it is the male  mindset which  is responsible for rapes and broken marriages and not the dressing up of women. Convictions and values change  and society becomes more permissive with the passage of time which leaves no scope for judging the ethics of both the statements.
While resuming the story, the wife is taken aback on hearing the immediate decision of her husband to leave her for another women. But good sense prevails upon  her  and she reconciles with the reality and agrees to leave  her immoral husband and live an independent life.
But the lady in question was neither in mood to leave her  children nor her  vagabond spouce. The relationship which she had developed with the man was sort of escapism sought by her from the drudgery of her routine life, with out considering the implications of it.
Now the man had no other alternative but to remain contended with his wife. The wife stoically continued the relation with no emotional scope for love or hate in it. Now she never nagged or loved her husband  and the man who was under emotional breakdown never interfered in the matters of his wife. His possessive nature ,which he changed now, had made him autocratic.
                  Marriages are arranged in heaven and celebrated on earth, made for each other couples, Soul mates. These quotes sound very pleasant and lovely but this may not be true in reality. Human nature is subject to change and no man or even for that matter of fact woman can claim to remain loyal to their spouses through out their lives. Every person gets bored after living with the same individual for years together and it is not surprising if he or she looks for an  alternate relationships. But how most of the couples remain together in spite of this trait of human behaviour  present in all and only few persons prove  themselves rebellions by separating with each other.  It is not  only the love that  binds the couple to remain  together  but habit of living together and mutual interest  in their children which persuades them to live together throughout their lives

My Wanderings - 19. Fathers and Sons

In the sullen atmosphere of an old age home at Delhi an old inmate was lying on bed, feeling desperate and the whole environment there presented a gloomy look. His dishevelled hair ,sunken eyes and frail body were betraying the alertness of his mind which was reminiscing  the memories of bygone days particularly the turbulent period of his life. Perhaps he was at the last stage of his life as memory was not failing him like his health. He could see vividly the scenes of his life moving on the celluloid screen of his vigilant mind.
  After migration from Kashmir,  a Pandit couple along with their only son managed to get a two room hutment at Jammu on exorbitant monthly rent. But still they considered themselves lucky after living a desperate life  in tents for months together with out any civic facilities. The man was at the verge of retirement and  his  son was doing  engineering final year. Son got the chance to continue his studies at make shift camp college at Jammu.
As the son was born to the couple after undergoing many emotional upheavals in  life  and leaving no stone unturned,  they pampered the child to the extent that he had become a bit self centered, but he was very good in studies. After completing the engineering son got a very good job  at Delhi. When  Father   retired from service  he purchased a flat at  Delhi with the money received as superannuation benefits. Then couple shifted to Delhi to live with their son. After few years they married their son with a girl from very affluent family. In the meantime son got a very good job opportunity abroad and shifted there along with his wife. The parents had no other alternative but to remain contented at Delhi.  For many years son used to send money and gifts to them and asked them to visit his place abroad. The  parents were not interested in going abroad and son used to visit them once in two three years of his own. After some time mother died of heart attack at Delhi. Son along with his wife reached from abroad within a reasonable time of his mother's cremation. After completing all the rituals on the death of his mother he along with his wife retuned back to his place. Father was now living alone in the flat  along  with the memories of his wife.  Time passed and his  health started to fail him due to old age. There was nobody to look after him except a part-time  maid who helped him in domestic chores.
The son also could not visit him now often because of one pretext or the  other. Finally old man decided to give his flat on rent and shift to some near by old age home, where some one can take care of him. Now son had completely forgotten him. He never visited him for the last eight years  since he shifted to old age home. While reminiscing the incidents of life and  controlling his emotions he  could not stop few drops of tears to roll over his shrunken face and subsequently closed his eyelids which never opened again. He was relieved from all mental agony and body pain which the last stage of  life  provided  to him.
The last rites of old man were arranged by the management of old age home ,for which provision had already been made by him, after informing his son, who could not make it convenient to reach on time.
When son received the message of his father's death  he took the message most stoically and reached Delhi at his convenience. Then old age people handed over him the last remains and few belongings of his father which he disposed off most reverently along with  his fathers flat and left for his place with satisfaction.
When he reached his home he found his neighbours wife  very much upset due to the sudden death of her pet dog. She wept  bitterly for the whole night and it took him months together to come out of grief.
The grief of lady was perhaps due to the attachment with her dog. The dog lived so close with her and she could feel his absence. While the son had not visited his father for the last eight or ten years. He had snapped all the links with him. He was neither used nor attached to him now. This may be the reason that he could neither  feel the absence of his father in his life nor was emotional about his death.

My Wanderings - 18. The Man and a Woman

                He  retired recently from a public office. He  began to spend half of his pension of Rupees forty thousand on  himself and his wife's monthly expenditures and rest he gave in  charity to an old age home. His wife a staunch  religious women in her mid fifties was very resourceful and a good housekeeper. She used to pray daily in mornings and evenings for hours together and observed all the rituals as per her religion. But she was also interested in good things in life  including a nice wardrobe for herself. He was very  silent person but his sunken eyes and haggard look spoke volumes of  his experience of life and public office. He had no children of his own but he loved and cared for all the children in his neighbourhood. He had inherited a large house constructed on a big piece of land from his family. There were only two inmates living  in the big house with the occasional visit of their maid who used to help them in household chores on monthly charges. Their life was going on peacefully until,  once he confided to  his wife about his idea of exchanging his big house with an old age home located in their vicinity,  which  had only three rooms to accommodate large number of inmates.  He tried hard to explain to  his wife about the futility of their occupying a big house,  which could be  otherwise of immense use  to the old age people. But his wife did not agree to his  proposal, although she understood the rationale behind the proposal, that they could live most comfortably in three rooms. He tried to convince her with the logic that they may not be able to maintain the big house in future due to advance age. But his wife was so possessive  and emotionally involved with the house that no logic on the earth could convince her. She could remember the good old days when she entered the house as bride. The house was blooming with all the decorations and lights with loud sound of music vibrating the atmosphere. The persons living in the house at that time were  her father in-law, mother in-law and two young brother in-laws who were serving in the army as officers. She had seen all the ups and downs of life in that house. Life was a learning experience for her with which she was  rather grown up in that house.  She remembered vividly how the gloom befell on the house when they received the news of her two brother in -laws killed in  a single war. She also remembered that when she could not conceive after two three years of  her marriage, how the Doctor declared her inability to  give a child to family. Her husband was advised by so many well wishers to go for another marriage. But he never agreed to it. He did not want to desert her loving wife for the sake of children. Moreover, he consoled his wife and taught her how to live with out children. Time moved on but she never let  even the thought of exchanging her house occur in the mind of her husband. The husband who had never hurt the feelings of  his wife through out  the life had finally to give in.
She used to tease her husband and call him atheist as she never saw him praying to God. Perhaps she was not acquainted with the sensitivities and joy of renunciation with which her husband was blessed. This sense is usually ordained by nature.
Finally after some years her husband died a natural death. It was  really a peaceful death. He slept Hale and hearty in the evening but could not rise from his bed in the morning. It was perhaps a heart attack. The wife remained shocked for several days as she could not reconcile to his death. He was her most intimate life companion who always helped her and never let her feel the absence of children in her life.
Now she was lonely and due to the  old age she was not even able to help herself. She used to remain confined to single room in her large house. She began to feel the absence of her husband very much. She would aways be gloomy and melancholic. One day while she was thinking about her husband, a thought struck her mind which gave her immense pleasure. Next day she called the Manager of old Age home and told him that she wanted to share  the vacant rooms of her large house with the inmates of already burdened old age home.  Many old persons from old age home were shifted to the house and She lived happily until her peaceful departure from this mortal world.

My wanderings - 17. She

She personified divinity with a glow  on her radiant face  expressing grace and glory of feminity. Her dark black and long hair  over flanking  her white shoulders created a spectacle of contrast. Her dowry consisted of pearls and gold. Pearls in her mouth and gold in her heart. Not only her heart but she was worth her weight equal to gold because  of  her generosity and high character.  No body could dare to speak of her virginity  as she was epitome of innocence and sincerity from head to heels. As all were jubilant to welcome the newly wed  bride, destiny was playing its own part to lessen the joy of newly created union.
The new bride being very honest and sincere confided to her groom on the very first night  about the assault on her modesty  in her childhood by some unscrupulous relative.
All the joy and enthusiasm of groom connected  with marriage evaporated into thin air despite his rationale outlook. He could not reconcile to the reality,  which he desperately wanted to be a prank played by his wife  and persuaded her to confirm it as a lie. But the wife being honest to the core of heart  could not change her statement. The bride on visualising the frustration of her groom wept bitterly throughout the night. All the good qualities of bride appeared to under weigh her only one disqualification to which she was neither a party nor had given her consent.
The mind of groom got influenced with the bias against his bride to the extent that he began to think it  as a  crime of honour committed by the latter  against him. His mind was full of revenge and lost all love and sympathy for his bride. A visible crack began to appear in their newly developed relationship.  Not a single idea of reconciliation occurred  in the mind of Groom.
But time is a great healer. After few days a good sense prevailed  upon the  Groom. His thinking began to show signs of change. He realised that fighting  duals and crime of honour are talk of bygone days and only reflect the memories of barbarian era. If we can not protect the   dignity of women, we have no right to decline the marriage on  such flimsy issues. These days scores of  incidents appear on Newspapers, where modesty of women is said to have  been outraged or assaulted. Even small girls are not being spared. Who is responsible for it. Unless the male mindset is changed, no body can point a finger towards the modesty of woman. If the man is responsible for all these rapes and exploitation of woman, he can not escape the responsibility of providing safe and dignified future for such exploited women. Chastity of mind and soul is more important than the chastity of body. Body is mortal and soul is immortal.  With these thoughts in mind Groom deeply regretted for his rude  behavior with his newly wed wife and went to ask for her apologies. Then they lived happily ever after.

My wanderings - 16

Sometimes unusual experiences overshadow the conviction of an individual  and shatter his faith on established institutions and noble professions. It was month of June in early eightees when my mother fell seriously ill with high fever and my father, who was himself a Medical practitioner, after trying very hard to recover her, advised me take an opinion of some specialist.
I fixed an appointment with a renowned medical specialist of city. After waiting in long quees I was able to get a meeting with  him. He properly checked the pulse of my ailing  mother and I advised him that she was suffering from high fever from few days and apprised him with all the symptoms she was facing, which I will not disclose this time to reader, as the purpose which prompted me to write these lines will be defeated.
Doctor after making more investigations wrote in bold letters on prescription slip ...Pyroxia, which my father told me later  means unknown fever in medical terminology. He also advised for some pathological tests and prescribed Paracetemol for the time being. After few days he advised me for chest X Ray ,some more tests and prescribed some new medicine. This practice continued for days together. There were no signs of recovery and condition of mother got deteriated   day by day.  When ever I visited Doctor he would advise me for more tests or change  of medicine. As a layman I could guess that Doctor was either narrowing his field of investigation by advising for different tests or practising hit and trial method. I got very much desperate and once in a whim of desperation I laid my hand on some books lying on shelf. There was some very old book of father entitled  Medicine. While turning the pages of book haphazardly I found details of some common diseases and I got stuck up on the page entitled Typhoid  ,when I found  striking resemblance of the symptoms of the disease with that of my mother.
There was full detail of symptoms of the disease Typhoid , some of which I still remember. There will be high fever and constipation in one week and diarrhea in another. The disease relapses in weekly periods, either it will be for one week or for many more weeks. The colour of tongue will be white in the middle and sharp red on the edges and much more.The medicine prescribed for it was Chlorophenicol.
I immediately rushed to my father and apprised him with the details in the book. After reading the details my father got convinced and visited his friend who was also a doctor and after some deliberations they formed the opinion and prescribed the medicine named Chlorostrip, which was combination of two salts Chlorophenicol and Straptomycin.
After taking the medicine mother began to show the signs of recovery and after few days she was all right.
After that I never visited that Specialist and he is still a renowned  practising Doctor.

My wanderings _ 15

Some where I have read the definition of cigarette as it being  small bits of straw rolled  together  in a piece of paper with fire on one end and  a fool on another.
            'Cigarette smoking is injurious to Health' and  now 'Smoking kills' are the statutory warnings written on a cigarette pack alongwith photographs of various human organs affected by killer diseases because of  smoking are exhibited thereon.  Moreover, smoking is banned at various public places in India and separate smoking zones have been created in Airports and offices so that people do not get affected by passive smoking, which is considered more dangerous than active smoking now. But manufacture and selling of cigarettes has not been totally banned by Government due to obvious reasons of huge loss to the public exchequer and tobacco  tycoons of India.
In earlier days smoking was not considered as  a vice because  most of the people were smokers. People used to smoke in all public places like offices, cinema Halls and bus stands with out any objection from any quarter.  Moreover, smoking was considered as fashion those days. One of my friends who was a chain smoker told me  once that he was advised by Dr Ali Jan  to take  one or two cigarettes daily as a treatment for his indigestion and gastric ailments and which became his habit latter on. Most of the people were in habit of taking a  Cigarette or two before attending natural calls,  because they believed,  that it helped them in controlling  constipation and to keep their bowels clean.  But the times have changed now. Due to  public awareness of bad consequences of smoking and frequency of air-conditioning in most of the public places, smokers have taken a humble posture now. They try to smoke in secret places discovered by them which are far away from public gaze . Most of the people have left smoking due to awareness of the health  hazards of  smoking made public frequently by Government and media.
Usually the habit of smoking starts in very  young age and then it becomes a habit and a person gets addicted to it  by and by.  Despite of knowing the bad effects  of smoking a person is not able to leave it so easily. People try very hard to leave smoking and sometimes they are able to leave it for months and years together. But then they start it again on one pretext or  the other. Some body has said that it is very easy to leave smoking, I have left it so many times.
But whosoever makes a firm will can leave smoking with out any hazel  and majority of people have left it for good.
Once I came across a short story  in a magazine  written by some imminent writer the title of which was ' Cigarette' . The unusual title of the short story  created curiosity in my mind and   prompted  me read this short story.
The two characters of the short story were Father and Son and both were smokers. Once Father could not find a Cigarette for himself  in late night  and he  looked for a cigarette in the room of his son, where he could find a single cigrette on the side table of the bed. He took the cigrette and smoked it as he needed it badly. After some time when son entered his room, he could not find the cigrette there. He got annoyed and understood that it can be the handiwork of his father because he was the only smoker in addition to himself in the family. In a fit of rage he rebuked his father for this. The Father took this rebuke of his son, and that too for a meagre thing like a cigarette,  very seriously and this Incident changed his entire outlook towards life. He recollected how he has made sacrifices in his entire life for the sake of his son and the same son rebukes him for a single cigrette today.  The next day early in the morning, he called his lawyer and prepared a will  with the provision that all his property should go to some old age home after his death and did not leave a straw for his son to inherit.
The Son  with out knowing his father's decision,  came with all the high brands of cigarettes to please his father, but nothing could change the decision of his father latter on.

My Wanderings - 14

                       Voltaire, a seventeenth century french Philosopher  once said, " God has been invented by man."
  It was necessary to create one when there was no God.  While the evolution of Man was going on, man felt insecure and  he wanted someone to shoulder his responsibility and someone to take blame upon himself. Whatever happened to man, he blamed  it to God and reconciled with the theory that it was God's wish. But soon he learned the art to blame God for his misfortunes only and started giving credit to himself for his accomplishments. Whenever man felt dejected or depressed , he implored God for his well being. Therefore, creation of God was necessity  for man. It was up to nineteenth century mostly people discussed about the existence of God. But people don't discuss it  any more now. Either they have become believers or atheists.
But we can not so easily  ignore the fact  that  there is  definitely some eternal power  that  controls this whole universe,  which may be with or without form. It is also believed  by almost all the  religions.  But it is  ridiculous to beleive that different religions will have different  Gods. God is one and omnipresent ,  religions may be of any number. Shri Ramakrishna while in his quest for God tried to convert himself to Christianity and even to Islam. But he latter on understood  that  no religion is  barrier to realise God. God can be realised by a devout person believing in  any faith. Moreover, a Hindu will realise God in the form of Mata, Shiva or any other deity to whom he is paying  his obeisance. Similarly a Christian and Muslim can  realise God in the form of Christ  and  Mohamad respectively. Actually God does not require our obeisances or oblations. He is beyond these things. We prey to God only  for our own satisfaction and self realisation.
        Religions have been created  to inculcate morals and values in a man, so that he can live under some ethical codes and recognised institutions like marriage and family etc. Different religions may have different rituals but ultimate aim is  the same. If a person can realise these facts there will not be any religious intolerance between the two religions.  Religious intolerance in this world is due narrow minded ness of the persons believing in different religions. There is no fault in religions but fault lies in the biased and narrow interpretations derived by the people from them.
              Science  and technology has made tremendous progress these days.  But  it is only discovering the basic elements of nature which is only a tip of iceberg of the huge treasure already existing in nature.
Newton after contributing much to science became very religious in the later part of his life. He lastly  said, "I was but a small child playing on a sea shore finding prettier  sea shells or pebbles than my  other companions  but vast sea of knowledge remained undiscovered before me."
Voltaire wrote a book on Newtons principles, which made Newton more famous. He also in latter part of his life  admitted that there is some force controlling the whole universe.  Throughout his life he denounced catholic church for which he suffered very much. He was even exiled from France. His views  were not  also favourable on Islam.  But he adored Hinduism very much, particularly its Vedas. He forecasted  that West will always remain grateful to East for Vedas. In the last days of his life Voltaire also became very religious and said, "I am leaving this world adoring God, loving friends, not hating enemies but  detesting all superstitions"
Age   is also one of vital factors in making a person a believer or an atheist. In youth most of the persons are rebellious in nature and question the existence of God. But with the passage of time most of them become believers.
Ramesh Kaul
rkkaul.blogspot.com