My Wanderings 109. Short Story No. 61. His Estranged Mother

               It was cold  January of Nineteen ninety eight  when I was transfered to Srinagar on promotion from Pathankot.  There were my  several other batch mates from Jammu and other parts of India who were alloted accommodation in our Banks guest house near Badami Bagh area alogwith myself. The rooms of guest house were shared by two persons each  and I also had to Share my room with another batch mate from Jammu, who appeared to me  very sober and  gentle person.

          After a day or two  because of rush created at the guest house due  to arrival of  our batch, another colleague of ours  was asked to share our room , who most reluctantly joined us as he was not happy to share the room already occupied by two persons. He was in no humour to have chat with us either,  because he appeared  very  angry ,  as he had  a hot  argument with guest house manager over  sharing  of the  room. We did  not also like   his presence much  in our  room as we took it as an intrusion in our privacy and  it could   make  our room crowdy. But we were helpless to stop the entry of third person in our room. Later on he compromised with the situation  and slept like a log till  late while snoring throughout  the night. 

In the morning after breakfast we all shifted to our  workplaces with out much ado.  

                            After a  few days he started conversation with us . His name was Jugal Dhar  and he was also from Jammu. He was  very handsome person  having   fair complexion with a tuft of brown hair  on his head and with blue eyes. He appeared very intelligent and daring. He was very much concious of his rights and would fight with any  person who tried to  compromise with them. It was not only his own rights , he would fight for others also if he found somebody in distress.

                He mostly used to talk about his father,  who had passed away before his birth . He once said, " My relatives tell me that my father was just like an English man , very tall and fair with golden hair." Whenever asked about her mother ,he would cut the sentence short by saying, "she also died after my birth and I was brought up by my uncles in a joint family". Sometimes , he would narrate the harrowing  tales of his torture by his uncles, aunts and cousins right from his childhood . They appeared to us like horror tales. One of the tales which I still remember is that once he was going to appear for exam. through snow laden paths wearing the shoe of his cousin and when the  later  came to know about this, he chased and forced  him to take off his shoes. Jugal had to reach exam centre bare footed. There were so many horrowing  tales of his torture which he had to undergo during his childhood. But being  intelligent and fast in accademics he completed his education and got a good job . Thereafter , he  started living independently . Later on he married a girl from  an affualent family after falling in love with her. After his marriage the horrowing experiences of his life came to an end. He loved his  wife and children so much.

            Once he told us that he was having some heart ailment for which he had an  operation recently and now he was alright but he was taking  some high antibiotic injections  weekly at near by hospital . Sometimes I also accompanied him to hospital as it was advised to him by his  doctor that he should not go alone to the hospital for taking injections. One day he said to me, " I am very much scared about my health problem. It is not for me that I worry but it is for my children , who are in their teens yet. I consoled him by saying that nothing will happen to him and  he will live a very healthy life but he said nothing in response and looked at me with a fake  smile. 

                        In the meantime one of our colleagues was transfered and Jugal was alloted new room to share the same with another person.  But the bonds of friendship developed with him for the last few months continued. 

                         Later on somebody told us  that the mother of Jugal was very much  alive and not dead as stated by him. Actually after death of her husband and  birth of Jugal , she had remarried and left her toddler son with his uncles at parental house. She never cared to know about Jugal till migration of our community to Jammu. It was after the death of her second husband her step sons,  whom she brought up with love and care, deserted her at jammu as they themselves were living in  small one room hutment because of scarcity of rented houses at jammu those days 

Jugal had already constructed a house at Jammu for his family as he had shifted to jammu much earlier. His biological mother came to know about the whereabouts of Jugal and one day knocked at  his door. When Jugal opened the  door of his house , she disclosed her identity to him. Jugal was shocked to see her all in blood and flesh.

She said to Jugal,"  it is an old saying -whether ilegitimate or legitimate one should have her own child  and you are my legitimate and biological son. I  want to  stay with you in this old age. 

But Jugal refused her offer and shut the  door of his house.  When Jugal entered his room , he fainted and recovered from the shock after a long time. Then Jugal noticed her several times on the road side waiting for him ,whenever  he was leaving for office. But Jugal never entertained her. 

          Now reverting to Story  it was month of December of the same year ,  the Jugal came to Srinagar after a long leave to join his duty.  He was alone in his room and I was also alone in my room. He requested me to join him in his room. I promptly accepted his request .  He offered me a drink or two. We both enjoyed the evening in his room listening to ghazals  of Jagjit singh as he was a music lover. Next day when I came from office , somebody knocked the door of my room.

              As I opened the door,  it was a waiter who told me that my  friend Jugal is sinking in his room . I hurried towards the room of Jugal and noticed that some of our colleagues had already arrived . I touched the face of Jugal and then his pulse . His face had turned blue in colour and I could not find his pulse . In the meantime ambulance was called  and we took the Jugal to hospital, where he was declared brought dead . Next day body of Jugal was brought to Jammu and handed over to his family for cremation.

                  In cremation ground people  noticed an old woman wailing and weeping a little far off. Perhaps she was his estranged  Mother. After this scene no body ever noticed her.

My Wanderings 108. Short Story No 60. Her Last wake up call

                           Arvind was a very daring and straightforward person right from the time I came into his aquantance. He boldly encountered all the problems which he faced in his life. After changing various jobs he finally got settled in central excise department. He got married to Usha a very beautiful and educated girl who was working as a teacher in state  education department .  It was love cum arranged marriage as he had  fallen in love with her at first sight and arranged marriage with her through the involvement of his parents. Usha was really a very nice person with all the womanly virtues like humility, love care and honesty. 

            Their married life was going on  in most cordial  and compatible manner and they were enjoying the blessings of married life to the hilt. After some time  they were blessed with a baby girl, who came into their life like a divine boon.

          It was  only after the birth of their daughter that  Usha began to show some signs of ailments which continued through out her life  and always  became a  reason of worry for her husband Arvind.

          Strange are the ways of nature as no body can anticipate about what is stored for him in providence.  First she had  cynocytes  which latter on developed into chronic asthma and made the quality of her life miserable .  Then after some years she was diagnosed with heart problem which required immediate operation . After  successful operation some of the problems of couple were mitigated at the cost of  some care and attention which she required  through out the rest of her life.  But the  problem of asthama continued to add sufferings to her life . A small exposure to dust or soot would make her life miserable. She would often complaint that death was better than these sufferings  which she had to undergo because of these illnesses.

                One day her husband in order to console her said , " Sometimes it takes a wake-up call from God to alert us to the fact that we're hurrying through our lives instead of actually living them; that we're living the fast life instead of the good life. And I think, for many people, that wake-up call takes the form of an illness.

" But why the other people who are not ill so often,  do not require this wake up call from  God,"  replied back Usha. 

"  Life is difficult for every one , every one has bad days but  God tests his dear ones only  by putting them in  more adversity and misery. The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful than all," said her husband . These consoling  words of  Arvind brought a smile on the face of  Usha and she fell asleep. 

          With the passage of time and ageing process Usha became  more vunrable to these chronic illnesses  as her immunity was very low. Sometimes attacks of asthama would make her life very miserable and she had a narrow escape from death like situation. One day while cursing the quality of her life she exclaimed in great sorrow,  "Chronic illnesses are like uninvited guests who never seem to leave.  They stick around sometimes, for life time , reshaping the way our body function . They don't just play with our body , they can also mess up with our minds. Living with chronic disease can make us  feel letdown, isolated,angry  and downright sad."

"But chronic illnesses can also be an  opportunity to find strength , grace and sometimes humour in the face of challenges it provides," replied Arvind.

"Oh, it  is all what's app knowledge .  only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches", said Usha vehemently. 

Arvind could not coin a proper reply to Usha's words and choose to remain silent. 

                      He was very much worried about the health of Usha. Moreover, he felt the intensity of the  problems of Usha deeply and a mere thought of it would bring sadness to his face.  He knew already  one day Usha will leave him for good and he may  not be able to do anything. His life will become desperate and desolate  with out Usha. His body will become  just like a living corpse in her absence . His life will be aimless and rudderless too . He will not bear the death of Usha in any case. How he will look up after his daughter which was now in  her teens . These thoughts of separation from Usha would bring tears to  his eyes but  he always mustered the courage and encountered Usha with resolute and smiling countenance. 

              One morning Arvind slept till  late in his bed. His wife Usha came to awaken him but all in vain. Oh God ! Perhaps that was her last wake up call to him . Doctor was called in , who declared Arvind dead and cause of death was heart attack. Usha fell down on the floor with a wild shreik  and was motionless. The people around thought for a minute that she too has passed away. But after sometime she got up and mustered courage to arrange for the final rights of her husband while consoling her teenage daughter , who was weeping vehemently. 

         A death from a long illness is very different from a sudden death. It gives you time to say goodbye and time to adjust to the idea that the beloved will not be with you anymore.

My wanderings 107. A Perception with deception towards none Bangladesh coup

My Wanderings 107

A perception with deception towards none part 4

Bangladesh Coup 

                Sheikh Hasina, Prime Minister of Bangladesh for the last fifteen years , was given fourty five minutes time to leave the country , by newly appointed Chief of Army in a blood less coup and giving her a safe passage to India in an army plane . She was not  even allowed to record   her last address to the nation as per her wish . Her thirty luggage  bags which she took with herself,  were also thoroughly checked by the army personell with out her consent . It is really embarrassing for her  that even after winning the recent election by absolute majority she was given such a cold adieu.

              It all started with student rebellion against reservation policy of Bangladesh which gave 30 percent reservation for the families of freedom fighters who fought for the liberation of Bangla desh and other 10 percent for economically weaker and for many more categories. Sheikh Hasina tried to autocratically control the situation but in vain. She lastly lifted the reservation quotas also but situation had already gone out of her  control. It was not only students but Pakistan ISI agents supported by America , in the grab of students , who took the advantage of situation and were responsible for the impeachment . 

               Actually Sheikh Hasina , leader of Awami league had very good relations with India and Bangla desh was doing good economically . GDP growth  of  Bangla Desh was above 6 percent which was even  better that many European countries. Opposition parties including party of Khalida zia and Jamait ,which has nexus with Pakistan ISI also added fuel to the smouldering  fire . Actually Jamait was banned by Sheikh Hasina and most of its leaders were in jail, which have now been released after her departure from Bangladesh . Pakistan was not happy with the economic growth  of Bangladesh and it's good relations with India . 

          Sheikh Hasina was not also aware of grassroot level pulse of the people of country as she tried to behave autocratically because she usually  won the election by absolute majority ,sometimes by boycotting of the election by opposition parties . 

                The anger of people can be well guaged by vandalisig the Prime Ministers house and breaking the statue of Sheikh Majubul Rehman , creator of Bangla desh . But this can not be work of students , who regard Sheikh Majibulrehman as founding father of Bangla desh . Yes this can be work of ISI agents of Pakistan and Jamait people who consider Sheikh Majibul Rehman as traitor , who divided Pakistan in two halves. The same people may be responsible for attacking Hindus and their temples in Bangladesh.

                 The intentions of new Army Chief prima facie , appear good because he is trying to form new interim Govt. including members of all parties and  army personel in the new cabinet. But If his intentions were so honest , he could have controlled the situation under the jurisdiction of  previous Govt. also. Now only time will show whether there will be new elections in Pakistan or Army Chief will take the full charge of country. But one thing is clear that now Bangla desh will have Pakistan like situation even after elections , Army will continue to remain in full control. 

        The present situation in Bangla desh  is  challenging for India also because it shares its  longest borders with Bangla desh. Moreover , by giving safe passage to Sheikh Hasina through India the policy of India is clear that it is supporting the previous Govt. Further there is full apprehension of refugees , mostly Hindus crossing over through border to India. No it will not be Hindus only but passage of  terrorists from Pakistan and unscrupulous elements can not also be ruled out. Now it depends on Indian foreign policy how they will tackle with representatives of new Govt. in Bangladesh , whether elected or selected.

But the foreign  policy of India with Afganistan after the takeover of Taliban thereat is great consolation in present scenario.

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My Wanderings 106. Short Story No.59. The Greater Scheme of Things .

My Wanderings 106

Short Story No. 59

The Greater Scheme of things 

              Ashok wattal popularly known as Dr.wattal was a senior  scientist in one of the famous  laboratories at jammu. He had his own principles and convictions, which he had acquired in due course   and  finally   adopted them   in his life. Therefore, his responses and reactions to some particular stimuli appeared very ridiculous to strangers but his acquaintances like friends and relatives were well versed with his mannerism and attiquates and felt  homely with him. Actually only after graduating in science ,he had joined his department on the post of an assistant and after improving his qualifications and   by the dent of his  hard work,   he reached to the post of senior scientist.

             In the mean time he also acquired some vices like drinking and smoking which effected his life substantially . It was believed in his friend circle that Dr.wattal drinks like a fish and only after drinking gives vent to his philosophies and feelings . In such state he also gives  advices to others which sometimes help them. One day Dr Wattal, fully drunk ,  was driving a scooter and met his friend and colleague  Dr.Kaul in the market  and gave him a lift . Only after few minutes of pillion riding on the scooter Dr Kaul could guess the state of his mind as  Dr.wattal was driving scooter in a very rash manner and hitting the other vehicles so often. 

Please drive slowly , implored Dr Kaul

Please don't do backside driving, it is so strange that you treat  me like an amateur, I am an expert driver,   replied Dr.Wattal . 

Only after sometime Dr.wattal had a close brush with some other  vehicle from the opposite side and Dr. Kaul could not stop a wild shreik from his mouth. 

Oh Dr kaul ! I can not understand why do you wake me up, whenever I try to have  a little sleep. You are such an educated person , it is not expected of you, said Dr.Wattal . Then after moving the scooter heltor skelter and having a narrow escapes  Scooter reached to the destination and both scientists alighted from the scooter and Dr. Kaul thanked his stars for reaching  home safely. 

       Dr. Wattal had also one good quality that he was very social. He used to pay visits to his friends and relatives often to enquire about their welfare. It was his   straight forward and extrovert  nature that was liked by all.  He  used to wish all his acquaintances  loudly  and start conversation with each  person, he met, himself  . He opinioned that one should wish others voluntarily with out waiting for them to start conversation. One can lose friendship and relations in waiting for others response even if he is a celebrity.

 

             Dr. Wattal was always short of funds due to his habit of drinking and he frequently borrowed from his friends and colleagues.  Sometimes they obliged him and sometimes not  because of his habit of returning the money in the  same fashion. 

If some of his  friends  or well wishers advised him regarding thrift , investment or constructing his own house for providence as presently he was living in official accommodation. He would usually reply philosophically that there is always a  greater scheme of things in nature which minimise the effect of such needs. 

        One day his friend Dr.Kaul visited his residence and advised him about investments etc. Dr.wattal reiterated his reply of greater scheme of things and wanted to shut the matter. But Dr.Kaul asked him to explain his philosophy of greater scheme of things elaborately. 

On the insistence of Dr.Kaul , Dr. Wattal said, "  Dr.kaul, the way things are organised or happen in a particular situation or the way some one wants them to be organised . It may be disappointment for not getting  a job or not getting a plot for constructing a house . It is not so important in great grand scheme of things when all things are considered in totality".

       " Then how can we assess the progress of an individual" , asked Dr.Kaul vehemently?

" A supposed or apparent overall system within which everything has a place and situation to which individual details are ultimately assessed . In the overall scheme of things we did not do badly", replied Dr. Wattal.

       "What is the importance of money then in your scheme ", asked Dr.Kaul again?

"Considering everything in the scheme in general way , things having lot of money is not important as having good friends and relations. 

           After sometime Dr.Wattal reached superannuation and he retierd from his services comfortably. But it was only few days after his retirement he gave a great shock to his family and friends by his sudden demise due to heart attack even before receiving his suppernuation benefits. 

Then after sometime a substantial amount of superannuation benifits and good amount of family pension was released to his family by the efforts of his friends and relatives . His wife purchased a flat and shifted there and his children also got settled nicely. 

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My Wanderings 105. A Heart felt Tribute He was really a Jolly Good Fellow.

It was  really after a month engulfed in the hibernation of grief and sorrow due to the misfortune which befell our family because of the untimely death of my nephew and friend Sh.Inder Krishen wali  in a road accident . He remained  in coma

at   hospital with head and rib injuries and finally he was snatched away from us by the cruel hands of death on 29th May 2024. His death was really like a bolt from blue which we had to endure most   reluctantly. Strange are the ways of nature , a person so lively and ajile had turned into a speck of dust after the cremation . 

Inder ji had a very good and disciplined upbringing under the apt supervision of his parents Late sh. Dwarka Nath wali and Late smt. Lalita wali , my eldest sister. His father was working in Western Railways and was stationed at Ajmer since early fifties. Inder ji  was very intelligent and humble right from his school days. He was alumni of prestigious school of Ajmer St. Anslams. He participated  in all the extra curricular activities of School I.e. debates , games and cultural activities.  Inder ji was an extempore speaker and won various accolades at school level . 

 He latter on joined Govt.college of Ajmer and completed his masters in Economics with flying colours. At college level also  he  actively participated in student unions and elections . Then he completed his MBA from prestigious Podar institute  of Management , jaipur and joined various textile companies like Jiya ji , JCT Phagwada , Vimal , Reid and Taylor's and Dinesh etc. He remained on  various  senior managent positions in these  companies .  Finally he retired as vice President and started his own business at Ahemdabad. 

Inder ji  was very intelligent, radiant , jolly  humble and down to earth person. He could speak on any topic on earth for hours together and let his presence feel to the hilt.  He was a very good writer and a blogger. 

Inder ji became  a great crusader of his community cause after the migration of his community from kashmir. although his father had migrated kashmir in early fifties and Inder ji was born thereafter at Ajmer. He used to write and debate on various community issues on social media right from year 1990. He helped many members of his community after migration . He was working relentlessly  on  Hindu cause in general and his community cause in particular .

 Inder ji helped everyone selflessly . He was very good orator and excellent writer. Above all these qualities , he possessed a Heart of gold  bearing ill will with no one  . Not only his heart , he was worth  his weight equal to gold. He suffered too much in his  career also due to his very good nature and selfless behaviour.  

You are not here.......it really hurts 

Inder ji where ever you are, 

 please listen ! Your absence has created  a big vacuum in our lives and we will  remember your selflessness, magnanimity and good nature throughout whatever little is left of our lives.

May God bestow you with sathgati .

Zindagi Kya Hai anasir Mai zahoore tarteeb.

Maut kya Hai inhi ajza ka bikhar jana 

Brij Narayan Chakbast 

Ramesh kaul

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bab ji

My Wanderings 104

Short Story No 58

Facing the Faceless 

                  Those who are stagnant , who don't want to grow ,their life seems to be stable and  steady , and looks better . But it is lifeless. For one who is striving to grow , an enormous amount of upheaval happens in his life.  But all the upheavals are worth a bit of growth that could happen within a human being . 

What we are referring to a spiritual process is basically a journey from creation to creator . The greediest people on the planet are the spiritual people . All the  others are willing to settle for a piece of creation . These people want the creator himself. 

                            Alok was my friend and colleague right from the beginning of our careers . He was very intelligent and had a spiritual temperament which connected him to Ramakrishna mission at Srinagar. He had become ardent follower of Sh. Brij Nath ji ,usually referred as  Bab  ji in the Ashram.

                     Once Alok  introduced me to Bab  ji. I had an impression that Bab ji may  be wearing saffron robes , but I was  surprised to see him in ordinary attire of common man i.e.pant and shirt and doing small chores of Ashram like gardening, setting the books of Ashram library and changing fused bulbs erc.

               "Bab ji, I am tired of running . How can I be happy?" Alok asked to Bab ji. 

Bab ji  looked at Alok  , the smile not having left his face even for a moment. He replied in deep powerful voice ," you ask me how you can be happy , but I see no question in that: you are already happy and you will always remain happy . Happiness is not a temporary state of mind . It is a permanent state of your being. Happiness exists in your heart at all times. No one can take it from you except yourself. It is unfortunate people bind their happiness to all sorts of conditions. I will be happy when I get promotion . I will be happy after I purchase a new car or build a new house. Do they become happy , when these conditions are fulfilled? No they simply replace these conditions with new ones. The secret to happiness does not lie in blindly chasing the fulfillment of your desires . It lies in realising that you are already happy, and you only need to liberate your happiness from those conditions that you have yourself imposed. Liberate your happiness and you will find everlasting peace. 

                       Later on Alok  told me that Bab ji belonged to  a big business family,  but he had left that business for his siblings and he himself was pursuing a job of  Professor  of Physics at some local college . Thereafter , he devoted his whole time to  the Ashram. 

             Once when we again met Bab ji, he offered us a banana from a plate of fruits kept on a side table. Then Alok asked him " Bab ji what does it really mean to be free from yourself." As always with smile on his face Bab ji answered ," If you ask a random person on the street the meaning of freedom , he will tell you freedom is the ability to do what you want . But Alok , why do we want what we want? You felt like eating the banana . Why did you feel that? You felt like eating that because you were hungry . Why were you hungry, because your blood glucose level was low. Why was it low? Because you had not eaten for a long time . You wanted  to eat the banana was the effect of the cause that you were hungry , and this cause was, in turn, the effect of another cause that your blood glucose level was low. Behind every thing you want , behind every desire and feeling you have , there is  infinitely long chain of cause and effect that we call causality. A cause giving rise to an effect and this  effect becoming cause of another effect till a desire emerges in your mind. But you can not see this chain of causality , you can only see the final desire in your mind. Thus you erroneously beleive that your mind is the source of the desire. Alok, your mind does not belong to you . It is merely a source of causality . 

Alok  nodded and said, " So true freedom means freedom from your own mind and freedom from causality."

               In the meantime Alok got married to an orphan girl who was also devotee  of Ashram against the wishes of his family. The marriage was also solmonised in the premises of Ashram. Alok  started a family life ,  but the quest or longing to realise his identity remained with him and he continued his relationship with Bab ji . Sometimes , I also had privilege of listening to the words of Bab ji which enlightened  my life also. In the mean time his wife gave birth to twins a son and a daughter.

      "Bab ji , I am hopeless at meditation ! I don't think I will ever learn to do it correctly !

Alok  exclaimed one evening as we were in the company of Bab ji. For the last few months , he had been actively practising meditation on the advice of Bab ji. 

"Why do you say that?"

" I can not keep my mind free of thoughts for a single moment  . I can do it , may be, for a couple of seconds, but then the thoughts come forth , and I lose control. 

"Why must we meditate ?" 

Alok , what we see around us is not reality but only a perception . What we see, feel, taste , hear and smell are artifacts that our senses create on the canvas of our mind , and it is through these that we interpret the world. So ,you see,  it is always our mind that creates our experience of the world . Meditation teaches you to master your mind and hence direct your experiences. You must learn to observe your mind . Where do your thoughts arise from? How does one thought lead to another? The first requisite to understanding your mind is to detach yourself from it. Meditation enables you to observe the inner workings of your mind by becoming a detached observer.

But how can I observe my thoughts if I focus my full attention on preventing them from arising?. Is not a meditation about shutting down your thoughts and be at peace . 

No Alok , never at all.

But that is what you told me to do!

No that is what I told you to begin with, Bab  ji said correcting Alok . 

To observe your mind carefully, you need to focus. You can not focus if your thoughts jump around wildly, which they usually do if you don't have practice. When you begin meditation , sit still and calm your mind . Let thoughts arise, but do not feed them. Do not entertain them. When you entertain a thought, it gives rise to another thought , and then to another one, and that leads to cascade that soon goes out of your control. The key is not in preventing thoughts , the key is not in entertaining them . When you don't entertain a thought , it automatically dissolves in your mind. This is how you learn to control your thoughts.

" what does this achieve?"

You learn a very important thing by doing this. You learn you have a power to choose when to entertain a thought and when to let it go. You learn that you are not a slave to whatever pops in your mind , but you can control your actions and own responsibility for them. Alok  , a person who masters his thoughts , masters his destiny. 

              After some time Alok's wife fell ill and died after a long illness. His siblings also usurped his parental property.  His life got disturbed and he felt dejected.   In spite of all these upheavals in his life , he kept himself focused on the spirituality. One day he broke down before Bab ji and started complaining about his bad luck and siblings, who deceived him. Bab  ji told him without mincing words that bad luck is nothing in vedanta but the effect of last karmas which you have to undergo for your own upliftment. Moreover, you should adopt the policy of forget and forgive  your enemies , which you have to do for your own good and not for your enemies, if you want to go ahead in your chosen path. Bab ji further added " "you are already one with the Brahman . You are the Brahman. Every atom in your body is the Brahman . You only have to realise it. When you realise that you are the one stainless reality, that you are beyond the chains of causality,  that you are the God himself , you attain Moksha , the ultimate freedom."

"But Bab ji every body knows that he is actually Brahman but how one can realise it, replied Alok . 

Oh Alok  , it needs a lot of practice i.e Meditation for months together with out a break and you need  simultaneously to ask questions, who am I , i.e KOHAM , keeping your attention focused . 

               One day Alok  decided to go for meditation for days together. He arranged for his food through a messenger , who would keep his food out side his room. 

Alok sat upright on the bed in cross legged posture and closed his eyes . Taking deep breaths , he chanted the magical OM three times.  His mind gently settled down like a feather lightly floating towards the earth . He joined his palms together in the form of Namaskar and recited the Gaytri Mantra. 

" I pray to you, the infinite energy that keeps the sun burning, the fundamental vibrations  that sustain all life, I pray to you to reveal to me the understanding of the universe and the understanding of myself." 

He slipped into a  deeply aware state of consciousness.  Thoughts arose in his mind and gently dissolved back into it.

He asked himself , " KOHAM,? Who am I?

His mind replied, " I am the Brahman"

He knew it was his mind that was feigning the answer. 

Bab ji had said that you are battling your mind and your mind will do everything it can to distract you. It will play tricks and make you doubt what you are doing . You lose as soon as you let the seed of doubt enter you. Do not let it happen.

On the third night boredom got unbearable . Alok  cried with tears rolling down his cheeks. He was so bored that he felt like killing himself just to get rid of the boredom.Nothing seemed to be working . Hours of meditation had brought him nowhere. He worried if he would survive the week.

On the fifth night after much harwork when He asked Koham? Who am I . He heard  a faint whisper , "SOHAM" I am that.

The voice did not stop , it kept chanting SOHAM, SOHAM, SOHAM. 

The chant came from his  heart . It came from his bones, it came from his Spine . It got louder . It came from outside him . It came from the walls, the furniture . It came from the floor, it came from the ceiling . The voice roared from everywhere. 

After wards Bab ji told Narendra that he has reached to the stage of Nirvakalpa samadhi,  which is a temporary experience and with constant practice leads to permanent Mokhsha. 

Bab ji also told Alok that now he does not require his  guidance anymore and his  aim will automatically show him the way .

             The first spiritual experience, and  the encouraging  response therefrom,  increased the enthusiasm of Alok to a  great  extent, towards attaining spiritual gains .  But he never left the company of Bab  ji altogether as advised by later . However , it happened automatically when Kashmiri pandits  left Kashmir for good  at the time of migration of their community and  Bab ji choose to stay in Kashmir at the Ashram. 

After the death of his wife Alok had brought up his children ,   a daughter and a son as a single parent . He worked very hard to bring them up singlehandedly performing all the domestic chores and continuing his spiritual pursuits side by side. Alok  was a person of calm and composed disposition .I have never seen him getting angry with any one . Satogun was predominant in his personality. 

But his son could not do well in his studies and one fine morning left his studies altogether, despite of much persuasion  by his father . He also married his daughter after completing her studies , but it was only after a short period of time   ,she was  divorced by her husband . Therefore,  responsibly of his children remained on his shoulders even after his retirement . Alok  after his retirement started another job in some private company as responsibility of his children always haunted him . But after some time  both his children got jobs and became independent which brought a smile on the face of Alok  and he heaved a sigh of relief . 

One day Alok had a chance meeting with Bab  ji as Bab ji visited his flat at pune. After exchanging pleasantries Bab ji exclaimed  calmly, "Alok ! what about your meditation and self realization ? 

"Bab ji , I am doing less meditation and more Karma these days as doing karma ,in itself , is a great spiritual pursuit as advised by Shrikrishna in Shrmat Baghwatgita." , replied Alok. 

"You are absolutely right Alok , no body can do away with karma. Srikrishna himself a God incarnation , who achieved everything was still doing Karma . There are three types of Kramas i e. Niti karma, Nimiti Karma and Kamya karma as advised by Shrikrishna in Bhagwadgita. Niti karma is doing sandhya vandana and early  morning prayers , Nimita karma denotes offering jal  tarpan to Devas and pitras particularly during eclipse period ,  Kamya karma is done to  earn money for  livelihood and luxuries. Performing  first two karmas are essential and doing third karma is optional . But with out doing third karma we may not be able to do first two karmas as well , because  we require money for doing them . While doing Kamya karma we get attached to it  and subsequently get involved in karam bandan i.e we earn for attaining luxuries and properties which is  a never ending game . We can not leave doing  karmas also but we should attribute those karmas to lord almighty  as if we are doing these karmas for him only.  We can help needy and poor and we can involve ourselves in philonothropic activities.  

                 After this association with Bab ji,  Alok  tried to help many organizations like old age homes , orphanages etc. monetarily as well as by offering his services like teaching orphans free of cost and helping old persons living in old age homes. 

                 Actually    It was Brijnath ji usually  called Bab ji in the Shri Ram Krishna  Ashram Srinagar , who influenced the life of Alok and lead it towards spiritual pursuits and attainments. Like wise Brijnath ji with all humility was a torch bearer of thousands of his devotees in the Ashram .

                       

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My Wanderings 104 Short Story No 58 Facing the Faceless

My Wanderings 104

Short Story No 58

Facing the Faceless 

                  Those who are stagnant , who don't want to grow ,their life seems to be stable and  steady , and looks better . But it is lifeless. For one who is striving to grow , an enormous amount of upheaval happens in his life.  But all the upheavals are worth a bit of growth that could happen within a human being . 

What we are referring to a spiritual process is basically a journey from creation to creator . The greediest people on the planet are the spiritual people . All the  others are willing to settle for a piece of creation . These people want the creator himself. 

                            Narendra was my friend and colleague right from the beginning of our careers . He was very intelligent and had a spiritual temperament which connected him to Ramakrishna mission at Srinagar. He had become ardent follower of Sh. Brij Nath ji ,usually referred as swami ji in the Ashram.

                     Once Narendra introduced me to swami ji. I had an impression that Swami ji may  be wearing saffron robes , but I was  surprised to see him in ordinary attire of common man i.e.pant and shirt and doing small chores of Ashram like gardening, setting the books of Ashram library and changing fused bulbs erc.

               "Swami ji , I am tired of running . How can I be happy?" Narendra asked to Swami ji.

Swami ji looked at Narendra , the smile not having left his face even for a moment. He replied in deep powerful voice ," you ask me how you can be happy , but I see no question in that: you are already happy and you will always remain happy . Happiness is not a temporary state of mind . It is a permanent state of your being. Happiness exists in your heart at all times. No one can take it from you except yourself. It is unfortunate people bind their happiness to all sorts of conditions. I will be happy when I get promotion . I will be happy after I purchase a new car or build a new house. Do they become happy , when these conditions are fulfilled? No they simply replace these conditions with new ones. The secret to happiness does not lie in blindly chasing the fulfillment of your desires . It lies in realising that you are already happy, and you only need to liberate your happiness from those conditions that you have yourself imposed. Liberate your happiness and you will find everlasting peace. 

                       Later on Narendra told me that Swami ji belonged to  a big business family,  but he had left that business for his siblings and he himself was pursuing a job of  Professor  of Physics at some local college . Thereafter , he devoted his whole time at the Ashram. 

             Once when we again met swami ji, he offered us a banana from a plate of fruits kept on a side table. Then Narendra asked him " Swami ji what does it really mean to be free from yourself." As always with smile on his face Swami ji answered ," If you ask a random person on the street the meaning of freedom , he will tell you freedom is the ability to do what you want . But Narendra , why do we want what we want? You felt like eating the banana . Why did you feel that? You felt like eating that because you were hungry . Why were you hungry, because your blood glucose level was low. Why was it low? Because you had not eaten for a long time . You wanted  to eat the banana was the effect of the cause that you were hungry , and this cause was, in turn, the effect of another cause that your blood glucose level was low. Behind every thing you want , behind every desire and feeling you have , there is  infinitely long chain of cause and effect that we call causality. A cause giving rise to an effect and this  effect becoming cause of another effect till a desire emerges in your mind. But you can not see this chain of causality , you can only see the final desire in your mind. Thus you erroneously beleive that your mind is the source of the desire. Narendra, your mind does not belong to you . It is merely a source of causality . 

Narendra nodded and said, " So true freedom means freedom from your own mind and freedom from causality."

               In the meantime Narendra got married to an orphan girl who was also devotee  of Ashram against the wishes of his family. The marriage was also solmonised in the premises of Ashram. Narendra started a family life ,  but the quest or longing to realise his identity remained with him and he continued his relationship with Swami ji . Sometimes , I also had privilege of listening to the words of Swami ji which enlightened  my life also. In the mean time his wife gave birth to twins a son and a daughter.

      "Swami ji , I am hopeless at meditation ! I don't think I will ever learn to do it correctly !

Narendra exclaimed one evening as we were in the company of Swami ji. For the last few months , he had been actively practising meditation on the advice of Swami ji. 

"Why do you say that?"

" I can not keep my mind free of thoughts for a single minute . I can do it , may be, for a couple of seconds, but then the thoughts come forth , and I lose control. 

"Why must we meditate ?" 

Narendra, what we see around us is not reality but only a perception . What we see, feel, taste , hear and smell are artifacts that our senses create on the canvas of our mind , and it is through these that we interpret the world. So ,you see,  it is always our mind that creates our experience of the world . Meditation teaches you to master your mind and hence direct your experiences. You must learn to observe your mind . Where do your thoughts arise from? How does one thought lead to another? The first requisite to understanding your mind is to detach yourself from it. Meditation enables you to observe the inner workings of your mind by becoming a detached observer.

But how can I observe my thoughts if I focus my full attention on preventing them from arising?. Is not a meditation about shutting down your thoughts and be at peace . 

No Narendea, never at all.

But that is what you told me to do!

No that is what I told you to begin with, Swami ji said correcting Narendra. 

To observe your mind carefully, you need to focus. You can not focus if your thoughts jump around wildly, which they usually do if you don't have practice. When you begin meditation , sit still and calm your mind . Let thoughts arise, but do not feed them. Do not entertain them. When you entertain a thought, it gives rise to another thought , and then to another one, and that leads to cascade that soon goes out of your control. The key is not in preventing thoughts , the key is not in entertaining them . When you don't entertain a thought , it automatically dissolves in your mind. This is how you learn to control your thoughts.

" what does this achieve?"

You learn a very important thing by doing this. You learn you have a power to choose when to entertain a thought and when to let it go. You learn that you are not a slave to whatever pops in your mind , but you can control your actions and own responsibility for them.Narendra , a person who masters his thoughts , masters his destiny. 

              After some time Narendras wife fell ill and died after a long illness. His siblings also usurped his parental property.  His life got disturbed and he felt dejected.   In spite of all these upheavals in his life , he kept himself focused on the spirituality. One day he broke down before Swami ji and started complaining about his bad luck and siblings, who deceived him. Swami ji told him without mincing words that bad luck is nothing in vedanta but the effect of last karmas which you have to undergo for your own upliftment. Moreover, you should adopt the policy of forget and forgive  your enemies , which you have to do for your own good and not for your enemies, if you want to go ahead in your chosen path. Swami ji further added " "you are already one with the Brahman . You are the Brahman. Every atom in your body is the Brahman . You only have to realise it. When you realise that you are the one stainless reality, that you are beyond the chains of causality,  that you are the God himself , you attain Moksha , the ultimate freedom."

"But Swami ji every body knows that he is actually Brahman but how one can realise it, replied Narendra . 

Oh Narendra , it needs a lot of practice i.e Meditation for months together with out a break and you need  simultaneously to ask questions, who am I , i.e KOHAM , keeping your attention focused . 

               One day Narendra decided to go for meditation for days together. He arranged for his food through a messenger , who would keep his food out side his room. 

Narendra sat upright on the bed in cross legged posture and closed his eyes . Taking deep breaths , he chanted the magical OM three times.  His mind gently settled down like a feather lightly floating towards the earth . He joined his palms together in the form of Namaskar and recited the Gaytri Mantra. 

" I pray to you, the infinite energy that keeps the sun burning, the fundamental vibrations  that sustain all life, I pray to you to reveal to me the understanding of the universe and the understanding of myself." 

He slipped into a  deeply aware state of consciousness.  Thoughts arose in his mind and gently dissolved back into it.

He asked himself , " KOHAM,? Who am I?

His mind replied, " I am the Brahman"

He knew it was his mind that was feigning the answer. 

Swami ji had said that you are battling your mind and your mind will do everything it can to distract you. It will play tricks and make you doubt what you are doing . You lose as soon as you let the seed of doubt enter you. Do not let it happen.

On the third night boredom got unbearable . Narendra cried with tears rolling down his cheeks. He was so bored that he felt like killing himself just to get rid of the boredom.Nothing seemed to be working . Hours of meditation had brought him nowhere. He worried if he would survive the week.

On the fifth night after much harwork when He asked Koham? Who am I . He heard  a faint whisper , "SOHAM" I am that.

The voice did not stop , it kept chanting SOHAM, SOHAM, SOHAM. 

The chant came from his  heart . It came from his bones, it came from his Spine . It got louder . It came from outside him . It came from the walls, the furniture . It came from the floor, it came from the ceiling . The voice roared from everywhere. 

After wards Swami ji told Narendra that he has reached to the stage of Nirvakalpa samadhi,  which is a temporary experience and with constant practice leads to permanent Mokhsha. 

Swami ji also told Narendra that now he does not require his  guidance anymore and his  aim will automatically show him the way .

             The first spiritual experience, and  the encouraging  response therefrom,  increased the enthusiasm of Narendra to great  extent, towards attaining spiritual gains .  But he never left the company of Swami ji altogether as advised by later . However , it happened automatically when Kashmiri pandits  left Kashmir for good  at the time of migration of their community and  Swami ji choose to stay in Kashmir at the Ashram. 

After the death of his wife Narendera had brought up his children ,   a daughter and a son as a single parent . He worked very hard to bring them up singlehandedly performing all the domestic chores and continuing his spiritual pursuits side by side. Narendra was a person of calm and composed disposition .I have never seen him getting angry with any one . Satogun was predominant in his personality. 

But his son could not do well in his studies and one fine morning left his studies altogether, despite of much persuasion  by his father . He also married his daughter after completing her studies , but it was only after a short period of time   ,she was  divorced by her husband . Therefore,  responsibly of his children remained on his shoulders even after his retirement . Narendra after his retirement started another job in some private company as responsibility of his children always haunted him . But after some time  both his children got jobs and became independent which brought a smile on the face of Narendra and he heaved a sigh of relief . 

One day Narendra had a chance meeting with Swami ji as Swami ji visited his flat at pune. After exchanging pleasantries Swami ji exclaimed  calmly, "Narendra! what about your meditation and self realization ? 

"Swami ji, I am doing less meditation and more Karma these days as doing karma ,in itself , is a great spiritual pursuit as advised by Shrikrishna in Shrmat Baghwatgita." , replied Narendra. 

"You are absolutely right Narendra , no body can do away with karma. Srikrishna himself a God incarnation , who achieved everything was still doing Karma . There are three types of Kramas i e. Niti karma, Nimiti Karma and Kamya karma as advised by Shrikrishna in Bhagwadgita. Niti karma is doing sandhya vandana and early  morning prayers , Nimita karma denotes offering jal  tarpan to Devas and pitras particularly during eclipse period ,  Kamya karma is done to  earn money for  livelihood and luxuries. Performing  first two karmas are essential and doing third karma is optional . But with out doing third karma we may not be able to do first two karmas as well , because  we require money for doing them . While doing Kamya karma we get attached to it  and subsequently get involved in karam bandan i.e we earn for attaining luxuries and properties which is  a never ending game . We can not leave doing  karmas also but we should attribute those karmas to lord almighty  as if we are doing these karmas for him only.  We can help needy and poor and we can involve ourselves in philonothropic activities.  

                 After this association with Swami ji, Narendrra tried to help many organizations like old age homes , orphanages etc. monetarily as well as by offering his services like teaching orphans free of cost and helping old persons living in old age homes. 

                      One fine morning Narendra was diagnosed with  throat cancer and succumbed to this  deadly disease after few months of therapies and related medication and great care by his children. 

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