My Wanderings 104
Short Story No 58
Facing the Faceless
Those who are stagnant , who don't want to grow ,their life seems to be stable and steady , and looks better . But it is lifeless. For one who is striving to grow , an enormous amount of upheaval happens in his life. But all the upheavals are worth a bit of growth that could happen within a human being .
What we are referring to a spiritual process is basically a journey from creation to creator . The greediest people on the planet are the spiritual people . All the others are willing to settle for a piece of creation . These people want the creator himself.
Narendra was my friend and colleague right from the beginning of our careers . He was very intelligent and had a spiritual temperament which connected him to Ramakrishna mission at Srinagar. He had become ardent follower of Sh. Brij Nath ji ,usually referred as swami ji in the Ashram.
Once Narendra introduced me to swami ji. I had an impression that Swami ji may be wearing saffron robes , but I was surprised to see him in ordinary attire of common man i.e.pant and shirt and doing small chores of Ashram like gardening, setting the books of Ashram library and changing fused bulbs erc.
"Swami ji , I am tired of running . How can I be happy?" Narendra asked to Swami ji.
Swami ji looked at Narendra , the smile not having left his face even for a moment. He replied in deep powerful voice ," you ask me how you can be happy , but I see no question in that: you are already happy and you will always remain happy . Happiness is not a temporary state of mind . It is a permanent state of your being. Happiness exists in your heart at all times. No one can take it from you except yourself. It is unfortunate people bind their happiness to all sorts of conditions. I will be happy when I get promotion . I will be happy after I purchase a new car or build a new house. Do they become happy , when these conditions are fulfilled? No they simply replace these conditions with new ones. The secret to happiness does not lie in blindly chasing the fulfillment of your desires . It lies in realising that you are already happy, and you only need to liberate your happiness from those conditions that you have yourself imposed. Liberate your happiness and you will find everlasting peace.
Later on Narendra told me that Swami ji belonged to a big business family, but he had left that business for his siblings and he himself was pursuing a job of Professor of Physics at some local college . Thereafter , he devoted his whole time at the Ashram.
Once when we again met swami ji, he offered us a banana from a plate of fruits kept on a side table. Then Narendra asked him " Swami ji what does it really mean to be free from yourself." As always with smile on his face Swami ji answered ," If you ask a random person on the street the meaning of freedom , he will tell you freedom is the ability to do what you want . But Narendra , why do we want what we want? You felt like eating the banana . Why did you feel that? You felt like eating that because you were hungry . Why were you hungry, because your blood glucose level was low. Why was it low? Because you had not eaten for a long time . You wanted to eat the banana was the effect of the cause that you were hungry , and this cause was, in turn, the effect of another cause that your blood glucose level was low. Behind every thing you want , behind every desire and feeling you have , there is infinitely long chain of cause and effect that we call causality. A cause giving rise to an effect and this effect becoming cause of another effect till a desire emerges in your mind. But you can not see this chain of causality , you can only see the final desire in your mind. Thus you erroneously beleive that your mind is the source of the desire. Narendra, your mind does not belong to you . It is merely a source of causality .
Narendra nodded and said, " So true freedom means freedom from your own mind and freedom from causality."
In the meantime Narendra got married to an orphan girl who was also devotee of Ashram against the wishes of his family. The marriage was also solmonised in the premises of Ashram. Narendra started a family life , but the quest or longing to realise his identity remained with him and he continued his relationship with Swami ji . Sometimes , I also had privilege of listening to the words of Swami ji which enlightened my life also. In the mean time his wife gave birth to twins a son and a daughter.
"Swami ji , I am hopeless at meditation ! I don't think I will ever learn to do it correctly !
Narendra exclaimed one evening as we were in the company of Swami ji. For the last few months , he had been actively practising meditation on the advice of Swami ji.
"Why do you say that?"
" I can not keep my mind free of thoughts for a single minute . I can do it , may be, for a couple of seconds, but then the thoughts come forth , and I lose control.
"Why must we meditate ?"
Narendra, what we see around us is not reality but only a perception . What we see, feel, taste , hear and smell are artifacts that our senses create on the canvas of our mind , and it is through these that we interpret the world. So ,you see, it is always our mind that creates our experience of the world . Meditation teaches you to master your mind and hence direct your experiences. You must learn to observe your mind . Where do your thoughts arise from? How does one thought lead to another? The first requisite to understanding your mind is to detach yourself from it. Meditation enables you to observe the inner workings of your mind by becoming a detached observer.
But how can I observe my thoughts if I focus my full attention on preventing them from arising?. Is not a meditation about shutting down your thoughts and be at peace .
No Narendea, never at all.
But that is what you told me to do!
No that is what I told you to begin with, Swami ji said correcting Narendra.
To observe your mind carefully, you need to focus. You can not focus if your thoughts jump around wildly, which they usually do if you don't have practice. When you begin meditation , sit still and calm your mind . Let thoughts arise, but do not feed them. Do not entertain them. When you entertain a thought, it gives rise to another thought , and then to another one, and that leads to cascade that soon goes out of your control. The key is not in preventing thoughts , the key is not in entertaining them . When you don't entertain a thought , it automatically dissolves in your mind. This is how you learn to control your thoughts.
" what does this achieve?"
You learn a very important thing by doing this. You learn you have a power to choose when to entertain a thought and when to let it go. You learn that you are not a slave to whatever pops in your mind , but you can control your actions and own responsibility for them.Narendra , a person who masters his thoughts , masters his destiny.
After some time Narendras wife fell ill and died after a long illness. His siblings also usurped his parental property. His life got disturbed and he felt dejected. In spite of all these upheavals in his life , he kept himself focused on the spirituality. One day he broke down before Swami ji and started complaining about his bad luck and siblings, who deceived him. Swami ji told him without mincing words that bad luck is nothing in vedanta but the effect of last karmas which you have to undergo for your own upliftment. Moreover, you should adopt the policy of forget and forgive your enemies , which you have to do for your own good and not for your enemies, if you want to go ahead in your chosen path. Swami ji further added " "you are already one with the Brahman . You are the Brahman. Every atom in your body is the Brahman . You only have to realise it. When you realise that you are the one stainless reality, that you are beyond the chains of causality, that you are the God himself , you attain Moksha , the ultimate freedom."
"But Swami ji every body knows that he is actually Brahman but how one can realise it, replied Narendra .
Oh Narendra , it needs a lot of practice i.e Meditation for months together with out a break and you need simultaneously to ask questions, who am I , i.e KOHAM , keeping your attention focused .
One day Narendra decided to go for meditation for days together. He arranged for his food through a messenger , who would keep his food out side his room.
Narendra sat upright on the bed in cross legged posture and closed his eyes . Taking deep breaths , he chanted the magical OM three times. His mind gently settled down like a feather lightly floating towards the earth . He joined his palms together in the form of Namaskar and recited the Gaytri Mantra.
" I pray to you, the infinite energy that keeps the sun burning, the fundamental vibrations that sustain all life, I pray to you to reveal to me the understanding of the universe and the understanding of myself."
He slipped into a deeply aware state of consciousness. Thoughts arose in his mind and gently dissolved back into it.
He asked himself , " KOHAM,? Who am I?
His mind replied, " I am the Brahman"
He knew it was his mind that was feigning the answer.
Swami ji had said that you are battling your mind and your mind will do everything it can to distract you. It will play tricks and make you doubt what you are doing . You lose as soon as you let the seed of doubt enter you. Do not let it happen.
On the third night boredom got unbearable . Narendra cried with tears rolling down his cheeks. He was so bored that he felt like killing himself just to get rid of the boredom.Nothing seemed to be working . Hours of meditation had brought him nowhere. He worried if he would survive the week.
On the fifth night after much harwork when He asked Koham? Who am I . He heard a faint whisper , "SOHAM" I am that.
The voice did not stop , it kept chanting SOHAM, SOHAM, SOHAM.
The chant came from his heart . It came from his bones, it came from his Spine . It got louder . It came from outside him . It came from the walls, the furniture . It came from the floor, it came from the ceiling . The voice roared from everywhere.
After wards Swami ji told Narendra that he has reached to the stage of Nirvakalpa samadhi, which is a temporary experience and with constant practice leads to permanent Mokhsha.
Swami ji also told Narendra that now he does not require his guidance anymore and his aim will automatically show him the way .
The first spiritual experience, and the encouraging response therefrom, increased the enthusiasm of Narendra to great extent, towards attaining spiritual gains . But he never left the company of Swami ji altogether as advised by later . However , it happened automatically when Kashmiri pandits left Kashmir for good at the time of migration of their community and Swami ji choose to stay in Kashmir at the Ashram.
After the death of his wife Narendera had brought up his children , a daughter and a son as a single parent . He worked very hard to bring them up singlehandedly performing all the domestic chores and continuing his spiritual pursuits side by side. Narendra was a person of calm and composed disposition .I have never seen him getting angry with any one . Satogun was predominant in his personality.
But his son could not do well in his studies and one fine morning left his studies altogether, despite of much persuasion by his father . He also married his daughter after completing her studies , but it was only after a short period of time ,she was divorced by her husband . Therefore, responsibly of his children remained on his shoulders even after his retirement . Narendra after his retirement started another job in some private company as responsibility of his children always haunted him . But after some time both his children got jobs and became independent which brought a smile on the face of Narendra and he heaved a sigh of relief .
One day Narendra had a chance meeting with Swami ji as Swami ji visited his flat at pune. After exchanging pleasantries Swami ji exclaimed calmly, "Narendra! what about your meditation and self realization ?
"Swami ji, I am doing less meditation and more Karma these days as doing karma ,in itself , is a great spiritual pursuit as advised by Shrikrishna in Shrmat Baghwatgita." , replied Narendra.
"You are absolutely right Narendra , no body can do away with karma. Srikrishna himself a God incarnation , who achieved everything was still doing Karma . There are three types of Kramas i e. Niti karma, Nimiti Karma and Kamya karma as advised by Shrikrishna in Bhagwadgita. Niti karma is doing sandhya vandana and early morning prayers , Nimita karma denotes offering jal tarpan to Devas and pitras particularly during eclipse period , Kamya karma is done to earn money for livelihood and luxuries. Performing first two karmas are essential and doing third karma is optional . But with out doing third karma we may not be able to do first two karmas as well , because we require money for doing them . While doing Kamya karma we get attached to it and subsequently get involved in karam bandan i.e we earn for attaining luxuries and properties which is a never ending game . We can not leave doing karmas also but we should attribute those karmas to lord almighty as if we are doing these karmas for him only. We can help needy and poor and we can involve ourselves in philonothropic activities.
After this association with Swami ji, Narendrra tried to help many organizations like old age homes , orphanages etc. monetarily as well as by offering his services like teaching orphans free of cost and helping old persons living in old age homes.
One fine morning Narendra was diagnosed with throat cancer and succumbed to this deadly disease after few months of therapies and related medication and great care by his children.
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