My Wanderings - 6

                               Every individual in this world may not be perfect, but  certainly  possesses a fair mix of good and bad qualities. The quantum of mix may vary from person to person. The good qualities of one person may over weigh his bad qualities and in case of another person reverse may be true. But it is universal truth that we are in habit of  exploiting  only bad qualities of a person rather than recognizing  the good qualities present in him. Good qualities of a person are always taken for granted and are rarely acknowledged.  Instead of exploiting bad qualities of a person,  if good qualities present in him are accounted for and occasionally expressed  to him, it will bring  more  goodness out of him and can  also produce reciprocal effect to the large extent. Moreover, exploiting bad qualities of a person and constantly pointing about  it to him will leave the person dejected and make him useless for all. The approach of  highlighting the good qualities of a person in a positive manner sometimes, help in lessening his bad qualities also. The positive approach will  also  change the scenario of our relationships  altogether  and such relationships can prove beneficial for us.
The qualities  of an individual may range from his personality to  behavior  and  bringing   in its fold his  cumulative  disposition. In order to find good qualities in a person we are obliged to take interest in his personality. There is always scope for a good quality in a person, whatsoever bad he may be. Finding of a good quality in a person  genuinely and expressing the same  honestly must be  essence of  our approach,  otherwise it may amount to psycho fancy.
If we sincerely praise a person for his hair style or a sense of dress, he will feel elated and devoid of any  tension or boredom in his life at least for that day.  Same is true in case a person is appreciated  honestly for his intelligence or good work done by him,  he  will try to mould himself to your expectations and can derive maximum satisfaction from the modest means  provided to him by life.  This approach sometimes works like a magic wand and performs miracles in life.
Money is important to make our lives smooth by providing the basic necessities of life to us, but it is not our ultimate aim. In addition to money, purpose in life and recognition is also necessary for our  individual growth.  Otherwise there is no difference in lives of men and animals. There are scores of examples in support of this view point. All rags to riches stories  in this world bear testimony to the fact that a small encouragement or  some recognition of their work by someone at some stage of life have made them to go ahead  and realize their dreams.
                                  It is a well known fact that a person can never be perfect. Perfectness is not human ,it  is divine, but err is human, imperfect ness is human. There can never be a dispute over this. Nature has provided different qualities to different persons. Some persons are very intelligent. Some persons are not so very intelligent. Some persons are literate and some persons are illiterate. But nature has bestowed some special powers to some persons who have  been deprived from other qualifications.  I remember a couplet in Urdu which I want to quote here.

Aay Dene wale too ne kami na ki
Ab kis
KO kya mila yeh mukadar ki baat hai

Oh! God you have not deprived any one from your graciousness
But fate of person decides how much one is entitled to receive

Intelligent and literate persons are not usually so bold  because before starting a  scuffle with some one they think about the consequences of it. They think about all the pros and con's of situation, they think about all legal delicacies of case which hinders them to take any bold step or a timely action and make them timid in the eyes of others. Actually they do not want to take law in their own hands.  However, on the other hand an illiterate or ignorant person with out thinking about the pros and con's of situation will reciprocate  in time and  that will make them bold in the eyes of others. Many times actual meaning of words loose their significance and we start believing in the meaning  of it derived by others.

My wanderings - 4

               The life teaches many  lessons to each and every individual irrespective of his field of occupation or Profession.   Maxim Gorky a renowned writer of Russia who is famous for his book 'THE MOTHER' has also written  his Autobiography in two parts' My Childhood 'and 'My Universities'. He has never  formally attended a school and not to speak of  joining universities. He has done all the odd jobs in his childhood as a domestic servant, bakers help and  shop Assistant. Latter in his youth he  spent time with  many ruffians, failures in life and dejected persons, whom he refers as  great teachers in his pursuit of knowledge. Most of characters in his books are same  type of persons from whom he learned great lessons of life  and which inspired  him to write his great classics.
Same is the case with another great writer of Russia Fyodor Dostoevsky, who is famous for his books 'Crime and Punishment' and 'Brothers Karamazov'. He  has spent his time with criminals , drunkards and persons discarded by society which prompted him to author best books of world. Dostoevsky was also  considered as a great expert on criminal psychology.
Therefore, a positive approach to a calamity can change it into  an opportunity and negative approach can turn every opportunity into calamity. It is well said that we should hate the sin but not the sinner.
Learning  from the  experiences of life is a great option available  and  that is not confined to particular group of persons only and formal colleges and universities are not the only  platforms of learning.
In our Hindu scriptures like 'Ekadashaskand'  the writer describes  a prostitute as his teacher because he learns from her the lesson of concentration, with which she is waiting for her customers.
There are some exceptions also which can not be ruled out. Moreover,
experience is not  a form of legacy which can be inherited like deposits or property by the descendent. If you want to teach someone from your own experience, he will not learn. He learns only with his own experiences.
Vivekananda a great saint of India has said , Don't believe a thing if somebody has said it so. Don't believe a thing if you  have read it from a book. Find out the truth yourself and that is realization.
The experiences influence convictions and the different  experience on same subject  can form different convictions. A person deceived in love by a woman will form the opinion that all the  woman are deceitful and a man having good experience of love with woman will adore such relationship.
                     Life is a great university which gives opportunity to every person to learn with his own experiences and  dejections and failures in life, are great teachers which lead him to success.  I quote here an Urdu couplet

Rang lati hain hina pather pe gis Jane ke  baad
Aqal aati hain bashar KO thokre khane ke  baad

Mehndi becomes colorful only after grinding it on stone
Man becomes wise only after failures and dejections

Realization of facts  behind the experiences of life,  sometimes, accelerate the learning process in the university of life, overcoming hurdles like failures and dejections and paving way for success and glory. However only success should not be the ultimate aim of life. Learning from the experiences of  life and harnessing the same for the betterment of society also leaves enough scope for achieving the aims and aspirations cherished by some persons.
Coming on the lighter side I am sharing a personal incident about one of my colleagues working with me in the Bank , who had once confided to me that he was  interested in philosophy but had to join bank because of financial constraints. Once chatting with our boss in our lunch hours we started discussing philosophy and literature. Our boss told us that these philosophers are queer type of people, who can mostly be found  in colleges and  universities. My friend had a  reservation for this comment of our boss. He replied to boss," No Sir, I don't agree with you.   philosophers  can be found anywhere. Even in Banks you can find  them". Perhaps  he was attracting the attention of boss to himself.
It appeared to be a joke at that time. But it was conveying the  message  that philosophy and literature are not  the domain of some professions  and can not remain confined to the four  walls of some educational institutions only.  But this whole world  is arena for  learning and experiencing the stark reality of life, which forms the basis of all philosophies and literature.

My wanderings - 3

                         It is a well known saying that 'Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so'. Sometimes Small problems, if dealt with wrong or negative  approach, become  big problems for us and others who are dealing with us. In the same way big problems dealt , with right or positive approach, get minimized for us, as well as for others concerned with us. There will be less problem so far as our thinking and approach is related with ourselves only. But man is a social animal and he can not live alone in a forest like Robinson Crusoe. He has to interact with others in his family, office and society. Moreover, modern technology in communication means like mobile phones,TV, internet and various fast  transport modes  have made this world very small, accessible and transparent. Therefore, it is necessary to learn some skills or tips when we have to deal with others to make our as well as the  life of others meaningful and purposeful, devoid of any  tensions, which later on culminate into depressions. No person in this world is without problems. The problems can be diverse  in nature. It may be personal,domestic, official and so on and so forth. All the problems originate due to  the 'inbox' mindset of  a person and the solution to all the problems is 'out of the box ' attitude of him. Therefore, problems will never originate if a person will cultivate an 'out of box ' thinking attitude as a habit. The 'out of box' thinking means change of outlook or approach of a person towards a problem. It is easier said than done.   But if a person really has a will can aspire for this art.
This can be explained by the simple example of husband and wife relation,  which is most intimate and is therefore, more prone to contradictions and conflicts. Both husband and wife are working and they have a small child. The child awakes  in the midnight and starts crying. The husband after hearing his first cry comes out of the bed and changes the nappy of child and makes him to sleep again. This is 'out of box'  approach to the problem. The problem is solved. But this attitude of husband is very rare.
Normally what husband will do? He will not come out of the bed. He will think that his wife is deliberately skipping the problem. This is her job. She has become very lazy. I can not afford to sacrifice my sleep. I have an important meeting to attend tomorrow. He will try to awaken his wife so that she can take care of the child. The thoughts of ill will  against his wife will form a never ending chain. This can be defined as an  'in box' approach of husband towards his wife. The wife can also harbor  reciprocate feeling against her husband, even if she will not say anything verbally. Some times these small grudges   in succession will  even lead to the breaking of marriage and small favors of husband can save the marriage and build the bond of  confidence and affection between the two.
This small incident may appear exaggerated to some persons  but it forms the base of  the behavior and attitude of an indudual and is applicable in  all walks of life.  The positive outlook can make our other relations and friendships more  adorable and affordable.
This can  also make our official commitments more easier and comfortable.
Sometimes we judge our children in home or our juniors at work place with our experienced and matured outlook and complain about them or reprimand them for their careless approach and mistakes.  We forget that what mistakes we were committing and what type of outlook we had when we were of their age. When we recall our youth,  we feel that they are still far better than us. If we deal with our children or  juniors with that perspective most of our problems will be automatically  solved  and make better environment for us in home and office.
I want to share my personal experience when I was  newly posted as Manager Operations at Jawahar Nagar Srinagar branch  in late nineties. Once in office I noticed that a customer  was quarreling with one of my colleagues seated on Fixed deposit counter. He was telling her to close all his Fixed Deposits as he does not want to keep any deposit at this branch. I requested the customer to come to me , offered him a chair and listened patiently to all his complaints and made a list of them. The customer was a superintending engineer and posted in public works Deptt.  One of his complaints was that he was having so many fixed deposits and he was not allowed to open a savings Bank account with out proper introduction and challenged me  to open one for him. I immediately managed to open his savings Bank account with my introduction after checking his credentials and redressed most of his grievances  on spot. He was glad  and continued to be our customer.  My colleague handling Fixed Deposit was surprised to see the customers changed disposition. Then he visited the branch again to make a Bank Draft which I managed for him within a short period  of time and introduced him to my colleague on draft counter as a valued customer of branch. Then I completely  forgot about this incident.
Once I was waiting for a public conveyance  out side the bank, as I had to visit my relatives.  I was surprised to see a long car stopped in front of me and a gentleman alighted from the driving seat of car and began to exchange pleasantries with me. It was the same customer whom I had helped in the branch. He offered me a lift in his car and introduced me to his wife, who was already in the car, as his valued Bank Manager. Then he dropped me at my destination , out of turn , despite of my much reluctance, as his route was quite different.